Girl, noticing bird poop on leg: Oh, shit! Why do I always get pooped on?!

–Oval Beach, Michigan

Overheard by: Steph

Girl in bathroom stall: Eww, the pee on this seat is so bad I can’t even wipe it up!
Friend: So don’t sit on it.
Girl: I know, but I kinda wanted to poop…gotta do the lean, and it’s gonna splash. Oh, wait, hmmmm… It’s not there after all! It was a ghost poop.

–Rocks Off Concert Cruise, New York

Guy at table full of intently listening people: Imagine 50 pounds of animal defecating inside your house! That’s a lot of shit!

–Virginia Beach, Virginia

Male beach‐goer #1: Wait, how did I get stuck carrying the poop?
Male beach‐goer #2: You didn’t.
Male beach‐goer #1: Isn’t the poop in this bag?
Male beach‐goer #2: Ok, yes, technically speaking, you’re carrying the poop.
Male beach‐goer #1: Oh my God! No one’s ever said that to me before.

–Island Beach State Park, New Jersey

Overheard by: Poopfactory

Girl on the beach: The sand is burning my feet, and I love it!
Friend: There’s bird crap on my beach chair, and I love it!

–Sanibel Island, Florida

Hobo to lifeguard: Yeah, I pooped here. Twice, actually. Once right there, and once right there.

–Pacifica, California

Man outside single bathroom door: Wolf breath, what are you doing in there?
Woman, from inside bathroom: What the fuck do you think I’m doing in here? What the fuck do you do in the bathroom?
Man outside bathroom: Don’t ask questions you don’t want the answers to.

–Coney Island, New York

Overheard by: Lisa Mavinelli

Formerly smiling lifeguard: Great, I’ve got bird shit on me, and we have to listen to John Mayer!

–Wrightsville Beach, North Carolina

Young boy: Look dad, somebody dropped some peanuts.
Male surfer: Sir, I wouldn’t eat them, I think they came out of someone’s rear end.
Young boy: So these are ass nuts? Awesome!

–Florence, Oregon

Overheard by: Johm

Bald man to baby on blanket (in baby voice): Do you have somethin’ to say? Are you thinkin’? Are you thinkin’? Yes you are.
Woman next to him: He’s pooping.
Bald man: Are you poopin’? Are you poopin’? Yes you are!

–Sunset Beach, North Carolina

Overheard by: Emma