Four‐year‐old girl, dropping cracker on the floor: Oh, shit!
Mother: Um…no, honey. Not here.

–Steamship Authority Martha’s Vineyard Ferry, Massachusetts

Guy on cell: That was the first time I shit my pants in a while!

–Salem, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Laura Wilson

Hot dad: No, it’s because I prefer other foods.
Small boy clinging to his back: Like people poopy?

–Vancouver Sea Walk, Canada

Overheard by: Rosie

Teen girl on cell: It doesn’t have feces in it?

–Malibu, California

Late‐20s chick #1: Don’t the tourists understand the laws of seagull shitting? I mean, if they feed them, they are going to crap all over the entire beach.
Late‐20s chick #2: At least the parade of Hare Krishnas has passed.

–Jacksonville Beach, Florida

Overheard by: unMuse

Girl: Ooh, it’s so pretty here…like on Lost!
Guy (stepping around litter): Yeah, complete with used diapers.

–South Padre Island, Texas

Overheard by: The Other

Mom to four‐year‐old son and two‐year‐old daughter: When that bird shits on you, I’m gonna laugh.

–Madeira Beach, Florida

Overheard by: touched by an uncle