New Jersey Guido: His nipples were as big as clouds…
–Point Pleasant Beach, New Jersey
Overheard by: Peter Butter and Gina Jam
…Although We Still Won’t Be All There.
Stoner girl to another: Man, I just sent her a text saying that we’re there, because I figure by the time we get there we’ll be there.
–Qualicum Beach, Vancouver Island, Canadia
Priorities, Ashley.
Girl #1: Our table looks lonely.
Girl #2: Why cause we have no friends?
Girl #1: No. Cause we have no drinks!
–Cuba
Overheard by: kiki
She’s Already Fast-Forwarded the Kid Through Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, and God
Young Boy: Mommy Mommy, they have Nemo in that fish tank!
Mom: Honey, Nemo’s dead.
–Antigua, the Caribbean
Overheard by: Ollie
If You Turn Out to Be Gay
Little boy: I can’t believe we went under. I still have that taste in my mouth!
Dad: Get used to it. You’ll be tasting that your whole life.
–Horseneck Beach, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Kp & Cd
Lessons in Tolerance
Vendor: Hey, buy some pizza!
Chick: I don’t like bread.
Vendor: Then just eat the cheese!
Chick: I’m lactose-intolerant.
Vendor: Fro-zen yo-gurt!
–Venice Beach, California
…With Your Penis Being the Obvious Exception.
Girl playing volleyball, as guy switches to her teach to even up sides: I promise we won’t suck too much…
–Adelaide, Australia
From Cool Uncle to Creepy Uncle in Three Gimlets
Young boy: Your uncle peed on Mikey last night!
–Santa Monica Pier, Santa Monica, California
Both… Neither… Whatever Turns You on, Kid
Little boy: Was that lady a ‘he’ or a ‘she’?
–Hilo, Hawaii
Overheard by: Gwen
Maybe Not. He Might Learn About Untraceable Poisons.
Girl: Well, you get like half his money when you divorce!…And he’s in med school now. Alls I’m sayin’ is you should wait a few years.
–Folly Beach, South Carolina
