Boy, obviously on drugs: My mum says that your brain is like a forest, and every time you take drugs you are cutting down a tree.
–Splendour Music Festival, Byron Bay, Australia
Uh, Because He Did That Porno After High School
Teen girl #1: Why the hell are we here?
Teen girl #2: Because we have nothing better to do.
Teen girl #1: Wait… why didn’t we call that guy who did that porno after high school? He’ll do us both.
–Ashwaubomay Lake, Ashwaubenon, Wisconsin
Overheard by: Lacy Magnolia
Unless I Also Got Free Snacks
Short sister: If I were to be in a porno with anyone, I would choose to be in it with you.
Tall sister: I’m not risking my dignity to be in a porno with my sister. No matter how much you’re paying me.
–Lake Kalamalka, Vernon, British Columbia, Canadia
Overheard by: Sounds like a good time to me.
Tonight, on Little People, Big Whores…
Hobo in wheelchair to boys skating: Bend over!
Boy: If you were tall enough…
–Santa Monica, California
I Think They Even Did Splits!
Large lady in elevator to another: The kids brought back this DVD, they said it was PG-13… Well they started it up and it was raunchy! It had cheerleaders in it and god knows what else.
–Majestic Beach Towers, Panama City Beach, Florida
Overheard by: Heading to Blockbusters to find that DVD!
They Only Eat When They’re Hungry
Son: Mommy, why haven’t the sharks ripped those other fish apart?
–New York Aquarium, Coney Island, New York
Overheard by: Alex Remnick
Poseidon Kicked His Ass at Grand Theft Auto
Little boy, standing in water: I CHALLENGE YOU, POSEIDON!
–Myrtle Beach, South Carolina
Someone Lost Their Copy of Reader’s Digest Best Pick-Up Lines, 1966
Teen out past his bedtime: Hey, I’m not Fred Flintstone, but I can make your bed rock!
–Rehoboth Beach, Delaware
Overheard by: NerdyChic
Right Next to the Vagel and Cream Cheese
Little girl: Mommy! Mommy! I can see…
MILF, rummaging in beach bag: Calm down, sweetie. Take a deep breath and tell me exactly what you see.
Little girl: I can see… your… bagina.
–Penscola Beach, Florida
Because She’s Already Too Smart For Cornell
Dad: What grows in the marsh, baby?
Little girl: Marshmallows?
Dad, to mom: You want her to go to what college?
–Tybee Island, Georgia
Overheard by: Sullivan
