Guy to Dachshund: Sit!
Girl: He doesn’t really need to sit, he is so close to the ground.
–Tampa, Florida
Something I Probably Would Never Do in Front of You
Boyfriend to girlfriend’s underage sister: Want a beer? [Girlfriend and little sister stare at him.] What? It’s not like I asked her to blow me.
–Treasure Island Beach, Florida
Overheard by: Sara
Of All the Fluids You’ve Rubbed Over My Back, This One Grosses You Out?
Queer #1 reaching for sunscreen: Okay, I need someone to do my back!
Queer #2: Ewww.
Queer #1: Oh, shut up you skanky-ass, motherfucking whore!
–Cherry Grove Beach, Fire Island, New York
Overheard by: Marizzle
We Could Call Ourselves ‘The Circle Jerks’ — Unless that’s Taken
Shirtless meathead #1: This is awesome. We should start a shirts-off club.
Shirtless meathead #2: Yeah. We could call it ‘Shirtless in Seattle.‘
Shirtless meathead #3: But we don’t live in Seattle.
–Dewey Beach, Delaware
Fertility Treatment, Economy Version
Husband: Let’s take a surfing lesson.
Wife: The water’s too cold.
Husband: We can rent a wet suit.
Wife: That would be like wearing someone else’s condom.
–Cannon Beach, Oregon
Overheard by: macdog
And Ketchup
American female tourist #1: So what did you say your favorite condoment was ?
American female tourist #2: Trojans!
American male tourist: You kiddin … Mine is Europe, every time!
–Holland America Cruise, Mediterrean Sea
Overheard by: Vennfix
I Mean, Short and Stout? Daaamn.
Thug carrying baby strapped to chest: Yo, those lyrics were fucked up, man!
Asian gangsta: Word.
–Bondi Junction, Sydney, Australia
And Not the Exciting Kind
Little girl: What does that sign mean?
Father: That means ‘Pedestrians,’ sweetie.
Little girl: Are we pedestrians?
Father: Yes, we are.
Little girl: Oh… I thought we were Catholics.
–Beach near Amsterdam, North Holland, Netherlands
Overheard by: Daan
And Let’s Not Even Talk About Where They’re Putting It!
Little kid, running in tears: I’m in the twilight zone! Adults are playing with sand!
–Coney Island Beach, Brooklyn, New York
Overheard by: ksenka
If This Ends With Adult Diapers, I’m Outta Here
Guy #1: So step one is where she’s peeing and he comes in to pee and she spreads her legs far to open up a space into the toilet and he pees in that space. Guy #2 no, step one is where she’s really drunk and he’s really drunk and she’s in the bathroom peeing and he barges in to pee too and she doesn’t freak out.
Guy #1: Oh yeah, that makes more sense. There’s a progression.
Guy #2: So then what you said first is step two and then step three is where they’re both drunk and she’s peeing and he walks in the bathroom and not only does she not freak out, but she allows him to dip his hand in her stream of urine.
Girl: What the fuck? Why would he do that?
Guy #1: That’s just how he rolls. But you see the progression, right? And the whole point is that if she doesn’t freak out, she’s a keeper.
–Tybee Island, GA
Overheard by: Can’t concentrate on my book
