Hobo in wheelchair to boys skating: Bend over!
Boy: If you were tall enough…
–Santa Monica, California
Oh, Britney Spears, You Wacky Scamp
Underage girl #1: Yeah, but I’m not going to feel okay using my ID if everyone here is from Ohio. They’re going to know it’s fake.
Underage girl #2: Shhh… There’s people in here.
Underage girl #1: I don’t care.
Girl in stall, coming out to wash hands: I know what you guys mean about the Ohio thing. Minivans… I just moved here from New York.
Underage girl #1: Oh?
Girl from stall: I hate it here. I just had a baby. He’s three months old, without a father…
Underage girl #2: Oh my god. I’m so sorry…
Girl from stall: Then my dad left us. He left our family after 25 years. He left us all behind.
Underage girl #1: Oh, uh…
Girl from stall: It’s alright. Have a nice night.
–Hilton Head, South Carolina
Overheard by: Awkward…
Weren't You There?
Mom to 13-year-old son: What the hell is wrong with you? Were you born this stupid?
–Seaside Heights, New Jersey
Overheard by: bonzo
Probably Because It's Only a Hundred Miles From Maryland
Girl #1: She wants me to move to Philadelphia after college, because she has family in Pennsylvania and she wants to visit me.
Girl #2: Why would she want you to move to Philadelphia and not Pennsylvania?
–Palm City, Florida
Overheard by: MBD
Maybe They'll Shame Me Out Of My Little Hissy Fit
Guy on cell: Dude, you gotta come down here…I'm about to jump in the ocean and scream at the universe and I want you to help me! (pause) Okay, yeah, send the brown people down.
–Miami Beach, Florida
The Beginner's Mind Has Many Possibilities
Incredibly preppy college student: Oh my god! We're on the bus! This is where the magic happens!
–Santa Cruz, California
Overheard by: Bemused High School Student
A Gentleman Would Refer to It as a Chipmunk
Beach-goer: Holy shit! Is that a squirrel in your panties?!
–Newport Beach, California
Overheard by: BAJAZEUS
There Were Pictures of Some Fat Chick on Her Myspace, but She's Thin, So It's Cool
Chick #1: I can’t put these pictures on MySpace! I look fat!
Chick #2: I’ll put them on MySpace. I’m a skinny bitch.
–Jones Beach, New York
Child Abuse Is My Anti-Drug
Mom to 10-year-old son after he shakes sandy blanket in her face: You little fucker. I am going to fucking drown you in the ocean!
–Clearwater, Florida
No Wet Bar. Can You Believe It?
Blonde: … So as soon as we got home from spring break I told my boyfriend that I had sex with Brad on the beach.
Friend: Oh my gosh! What did your boyfriend do?!
Blonde: He said, ‘I guess we’re not riding in Brad’s limo for prom.’
Friend: What’s wrong with Brad’s limo?!
–St. Augustine beach, Florida