Girl: I like the smell of that. What is it?
Guy: Garbage.
–Huntington Beach, California
Overheard by: zsaint
Did That Guy Seem Juiced Up to You?
Skinny, half naked black guy wearing purple booty shorts: “do you guys do drugs?”
College kids: “no…”
Black guy: “oh I do…I'm a drug addict. Yeah, I just came from a rave, there are some crazy people out there! Why are y'all sitting here in the middle of venice beach? It gets dangerous here at night!”
College kid (holding an orange): “well, I'm strapped, so…”
Black guy: “is that an orange? Can I have it?” (takes orange and walks away).
–Venice Beach
Overheard by: Keidi
How to Come Out to Your Mom: A Teenager's Guide
Teenage son: Mom, did dad ever kiss me? Like when I was little?
Mom: Your dad kissed you.
Teenage son: Yeah, but did he ever kiss me on the lips?
Mom: I'm not sure what you're asking.
–Cannon Beach, Oregon
Overheard by: Ann
The House Used to Belong to a Black Man
Lady: You have an awfully long deck.
Homeowner: Thanks… Oh, you said ‘deck.’
–Topsail Island, North Carolina
Overheard by: Jim
In a Related Story, Keira Knightley Spotted Scouring the Beach for Buried Treasure
Guy: My god, what is that?
Chick: What?
Guy: This thing here. Medical waste is washing up on the shore.
Chick: What are you talking about?
Guy: Right there. It’s a breast implant.
Chick: It’s a jellyfish, you ninny.
Guy: … I wondered why there were so many.
–Jersey Shore, New Jersey
Get It Drunk and It'll Do Both at the Same Time
Passenger: Excuse me, sir, but does that staircase go up or down?
Crew member: Yes.
–Boarding a cruise ship
And Lived Happily Ever After
20-something college guy: So he was getting the anal beads pulled out, coming at the same time, and he shat all over this girl’s couch.
20-something college girl: Well then what did he do?
20-something college guy: I dunno, he probably wiped his ass and left…
–Casino Beach, Pensacola, Florida
…Since, Technically, It's Thesis Research.
Blonde girl on cell: That's not fair! Just because I want to actively pursue a sexual relationship with my thesis advisor does not mean you can call me a whore! (long pause) My boyfriend says he doesn't care.
–Los Angeles, California
Unless You've Got Weed
Four-year-old to 12-year-old: You come over here every single day. No one likes you. Go back to your own camp.
–Lake Champlain, New York
He Looked Good With the Anus Ring
Girl #1: So then I said, “I’ll pierce anything I wanna pierce, asshole!” and left.
Girl #2: Good for you. It was a stupid reason to break up with you, anyway.
–Daytona Beach, Florida
Overheard by: Liz Burrin