Dude, Every­body Used to Wear Their Hair Like That

Sub­ur­ban man #1: What about Sam Adams?
Sub­ur­ban man #2: Ugh, I hate all Sam Adams beers. I would nev­er touch the stuff.
Sub­ur­ban man #1: Why?
Sub­ur­ban man #2: Well, Sam Adams was a gay man. And, well, I be­lieve in gay­ness, but I just don’t think gay peo­ple can make beer.

–Lake Waubee­ka, Con­necti­cut

Over­heard by: Hame­tu­ka

Un­less I Al­so Got Free Snacks

Short sis­ter: If I were to be in a porno with any­one, I would choose to be in it with you.
Tall sis­ter: I’m not risk­ing my dig­ni­ty to be in a porno with my sis­ter. No mat­ter how much you’re pay­ing me.

–Lake Kala­mal­ka, Ver­non, British Co­lum­bia, Cana­dia

Over­heard by: Sounds like a good time to me.

But Don’t Tell Him About the Time We Fucked!

Chick #1: You were a com­plete whore last night.
Chick #2: Look who’s talk­ing! Do I have to men­tion the time you let Derek go down on you?
Chick #1: Bitch! That guy over there can hear you!
Chick #2: So what?
Chick #1: Lis­ten to how you’re talk­ing about me and my broth­er. He’s gonna think I’m a com­plete skank!
Chick #2: I said Derek. He did­n’t know who the fuck Derek was un­til you opened your fuckin’ mouth.
Chick #1: Uh, yeah, I guess you’re right…

–Pana­ma City Beach, Flori­da

Over­heard by: That guy over there

Though I Of­ten Doubt If They Are Worth It

Na­tive man: This is where Hawai­ians come to cel­e­brate a child’s first birth­day with a lu­au. All the fam­i­ly comes to have a three-day par­ty by the ocean.
Tourist: How did that get start­ed?
Na­tive man: To pro­tect the ba­bies from the mis­sion­ar­ies who loved to eat plump Hawai­ian ba­bies.
Tourist, shocked: That was­n’t in my tour book.
Na­tive man: It’s some­thing we keep qui­et to pro­tect the white mis­sion­ar­ies.

–Ko­ha­la, Hawaii

Over­heard by: BLondie