Woman, to young son: No, honey, mommy has two attorneys.
–Brighton Beach, Brooklyn, New York
Overheard by: Lotte
…Named After Him
Girl to friend walking down the boardwalk: Yeah, just keep in mind he does have an STD.
–San Diego, California
Overheard by: Hilary
The Smiths' Early Forays Into Swinging Were Clumsy and Ineffectual
World’s best wife: Honey, twelve o’clock.
Clueless husband: Huh? No, it’s not. It’s two-thirty.
World’s best wife: I mean twelve o’clock.
Clueless husband: I don’t get you.
World’s best wife: Look straight ahead.
Clueless husband: Why?
World’s best wife: Look at the hot chick right in front of you! Look! Look!
Clueless husband: Oh!…Niiice.
–Grand Beach, Manitoba
I Might Use Nair. We'll See.
Guido hitting on underage girls: I’m gonna go home and shave my tits, and then we’re having a house party.
–Rockaway Beach, New York
From Michael Moore's Bowling for Sea Lions
Bimbette tourist #1, about sea lions play-fighting: Oh my god, look at those seals! That big one just, like, knocked the smaller one off the wood thing!
Bimbette tourist #2: That is so mean. I hope the little one, like, kicks his ass in the end.
Local: They’re just play-fighting. It’s a show of dominance.
Bimbette tourist #1: But he pushed him off! He so wasn’t kidding. I could tell.
Bimbette tourist #2: Seriously. God, how can you just excuse him acting like that? Not cool.
Local, muttering: Fucking tourists…
–Fisherman’s Wharf, San Francisco, California
Overheard by: an amused local
"Have You Seen the Tranny Man, the Tranny Man, the Tranny Man?"
20-something girl: Guys, did you see the man in the woman's swimsuit over there?
Teen girl #1: Yeah, yeah, I saw him…
20-something girl: He has man legs…
Teen girl #1: But from a distance he could totally pass as a flat chick.
20-something girl: He can really pull it off, too. He has the hat and the glasses and everything.
Teen girl #2: Where's the tranny man? I want to see the tranny man!
–La Jolla, California
Overheard by: La Jollan
If You Listen Closely, You Can Hear Her Brain Going Snap, Crackle, Pop
Chick #1: Hey, have you heard of those Rice Krispie treats? They’re awesome. They should so make a cereal out of those or something!
Chick #2: You dumbass, they are cereal!
Chick #1: Oh…
–Robert Moses Beach, Long Island, New York
Overheard by: i like rice krispies
Girls Scouts Hate Unprepared Boy Scouts
Man: Do you guys have anything to cut wood with?
Clearly drunk girl: Mah dick.
–Cabrillo Beach
Broceans Before Hoceans, Right?
Frat boy to others: Duuuuuude, let's go in the brocean!
–New Jersey
Overheard by: Jersey Girl
Anywhere But South Beach, Honey
Kid: Mom, where are we going?
Mom: Just walk straight!
Kid: Where’s straight?!
–Robert Moses Beach, New York
Overheard by: Gwast