English girl reading menu: Oh my god. What? It’s all in foreign!
–Beach cafe, Northern France
Overheard by: Jess
All the Good Indentured Servitude Positions Have Been Outsourced to India
American girl #1: You know what I want to get while I’m here in India? A Sherpa. That would be so cool.
American girl #2: What’s a Sherpa?
American girl #1: It’s, like, a people endemic to the Himalayas. You can buy one, and they carry your stuff for you.
American girl #2: Oooh, that sounds nice!
–Goa, India
Overheard by: Wish I were Canadian
Joe’s Mistake Was to Try to Fulfill Both Commands at Once
Man riding away on bike: Oh ya, why don’t you come over here and do something about it? Eat shit and fuck your mom!
–Playa Del Rey, CA
Dear Tony– More Vinegar, Less Garlic — Love, Marsha
Ghetto chick #1: Yo, girl, I can smell you from here.
Ghetto chick #2: Girl, what you talkin’ ’bout? You better be talkin’ ’bout my lotion.
Ghetto chick #1: No, girl! I’m talkin’ ’bout your pussy.
Ghetto chick #2: You crazy, girl. Tony ate it out last night. Ain’t nothin’ in there to smell!
Ghetto chick #1: Maybe it’s just the nigga’s breath, then.
–Ocean City, Maryland
Overheard by: karen g.
Of Course, It Could Just Be Schizophrenia
Dude #1: That cloud over the moon looks like the number three! Dude, that is crazy!
Dude #2: Why is that crazy?
Dude #1: Because that was Dale Earnhardt’s number. It’s like he’s speaking to me!
–Nags Head, North Carolina
Overheard by: Gambitgirl
It’s Important to Do Things as a Family
Middle-aged man #1: They smoke crack and worship Satan.
Middle-aged man #2: Good.
–Hampton Beach, New Hampshire
Overheard by: Bunny
But If You Could, I’d Do It for Five Bucks
Hobo to another: You couldn’t pay me to live in LA.
–Venice Beach, California
Overheard by: Howard
Great White Ones!
Little black kid: Why can’t we go in the pool?
Friend: What pool? That ain’t no pool, nigga, it’s got sharks in it!
–Coney Island Boardwalk, New York
How Jewish Mothers Coddle Their Sons into Gibbering, Bedwetting, Compulsive Masturbators
Mother, dressing son: Wow, your hair dried gorgeously! You’re such a Jew.
–Cape Henlopen, Delaware
Overheard by: KDP
Mom Hates the Cow Jokes, Y’know
Teen girl: What’cha doing, dad?
Father: Staring at the cow.
Teen girl (looking ahead): Where?
Father: In the water.
Teen girl (frantically looking at the sea): Where?!
Father: In my imagination.
–Miami Beach, Florida
Overheard by: amused book-reader
