Little boy, somewhat sheepishly: Dad, are you fascinated by rocks?
Dad, sincerely enthusiastic: I love rocks!
–Venice Beach, California
If Only There weren’t Such a Grueling Application Process
Chick: Do you guys live here?
Guy #1: Yep, right over there.
Chick: And what about you?
Guy #2: No, I don’t live here.
Chick: Where do you live?
Guy #2: Everywhere. I’m a hobo.
Chick: No, you’re not.
Guy #2: Yes, I’m a hobo. I sleep on the beach, and I eat out of trash cans. I’m a hobo.
Chick: I want to be a hobo.
–San Diego, California
Overheard by: Supercharger
Britney and K‑Fed’s Baby Takes to the Water
Little boy, floating on his back: Look at me! I’m the slowest boat in life!
–Valley Falls, Vernon, Connecticut
Overheard by: your parents must be so proud
I Clearly Haven’t Properly Instilled in You the Virtues of Reverse Cowgirl
Girl #1: Did you hear we’re getting the lockers on the bottom row at school next year?
Girl #2: Oh, really? I hope I get someone hot on top of me.
Mother, just tuning in to conversation: What?!
–Williamstown Beach, Melbourne, Australia
Overheard by: knee coal
I Ran Out of Bag Balm ™
Man: I see you’ve caught the sun a bit!
Fat lady: No, that’s just chub-rub.
–Spain
Overheard by: Vertman
For the Same Reason the Back of Your Hand Looks Different from the Front
Little girl: Mommy, is this Lake Michigan?
Mom: Yes, honey.
Little girl: Then why doesn’t it look like this in Chicago?
–Petoskey, Michigan
But You Had a Kid, Mary!
Bitchy friend: … So then we took a vote, and you’re the biggest slut out of all of us.
Girl: But I’m the only virgin.
Bitchy friend: We know.
–Kingston Beach, Washington
Wanna See Me Make It Dance?
Bikini #1: Duuude, your birthmark has gotten bigger…
Bikini #2: That’s because my thigh has gotten bigger.
–The Hamptons, New York
Here’s Some Chapstik
Mother with accent, talking to grown son: David, blow up the raft!
David: No! Make dad do it!
Dad: You’re younger. You have more air in your lungs.
Sister: Dave, just blow up the raft.
David: No!
Mother: Son, shut up and finish the blow job.
–Hilton Head, South Carolina
Overheard by: anna
Which Anniversary Is the Coors Anniversary Again?
Guy selling beer: Ladies, if your man won’t buy you a beer he ain’t gonna buy you anything else!
Same guy selling beer, an hour later: If you don’t drink beer, you’re gonna die!
–Brighton Beach, New York
Overheard by: Ramen
