Little boy to mom: Don’t touch me! Only Daddy can touch me. [Mom picks boy up.] I’m going to make Daddy spank you right on your bottom!
–Virginia Beach, Virginia
Kid: Mom, how come the birds are wrestling each other?
Mom: They hate each other, that’s why.
–Children’s Beach, Nantucket, Massachusetts
Overheard by: I know why the caged bird sings
Six-year-old to mother: A big wave just came and knocked me down and carried me away and some lady helped me up.
Mother: Why didn't your father help you up?
Six-year-old, in sneering voice: Cuz he was too busy going “hahahahaha!”
–Bethany Beach, Delaware
Overheard by: just the Aunt
Mom to young son sliding down wooden handrail: Charlie! Did someone get a splinter in his butt?
–Melbourne Beach, Florida
Overheard by: Sarabeth and Jesse
Pissed off mom to crying sons: You're goddamned right, we're leaving and we're never coming back!
–Rye Beach, New Hampshire
Overheard by: Robin M. StPierre
Teenage son: Mom, did dad ever kiss me? Like when I was little?
Mom: Your dad kissed you.
Teenage son: Yeah, but did he ever kiss me on the lips?
Mom: I'm not sure what you're asking.
–Cannon Beach, Oregon
Overheard by: Ann
Overweight, trashy lady: It’s not hanging out!
Trashy daughter: Mom, yes it is. You can’t wear that kind of suit.
Trashy lady: We just drove two hours to get here, the weather’s not that great, and I can wear a thong if I want to tan my ass whenever I want!
–Rio del Mar, Aptos, California
Overheard by: Melissa
Mom to little boy: You do not pee on somebody unless they ask you to!
–Ocean Isle Beach, North Carolina
Overheard by: mad-the-hatter
Three-year-old girl: I love the bitch!
Mother: Did you just say ‘bitch’? You can’t say that! It’s beach.
Three-year-old girl: Bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch!
Mother, exasperated: I can hear you!
–Virginia Beach, Virginia
Overheard by: jess
