Massachusetts

Pirates 2 Panned by Critics; Deemed Too 'Brainy,' 'Referential'

20-Something girl #1: Yeah, I fell asleep. It was a stupid movie! And that guy with the squid on his face, who was he, Medusa?
20-Something girl #2: You mean Davy Jones?
20-Something girl #1: Yeah. And I was like, what about The Monkees?
20-Something girl #2: There weren’t any monkeys.
20-Something girl #1: You’re too young to remember the Sixties. Davy Jones was in the Monkees.
20-Something girl #2: Um, Davy Jones the pirate came first. Haven’t you ever heard of Davy Jones’s locker?
20-Something girl #1: I have absolutely no idea what you’re talking about.

–Craigville Beach, Cape Cod, Massachusetts

Can I Play with Them?

Young boy, to buxom woman: Are those balls in your bathing suit?

–Reservoir, Arlington, Massachusetts

Overheard by: TC Ledger

New Yorkers Often Experience Culture Shock in New England

Four-year-old girl, dropping cracker on the floor: Oh, shit!
Mother: Um…no, honey. Not here.

–Steamship Authority Martha's Vineyard Ferry, Massachusetts

Why Most Americans Stay away from the Voting Booth

Young woman: I am so not doing that again. One, it’s gross, and two, my legs are killing me.

–Chatham Light Beach, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Antonia

What? It's Something My Dad Says

Teenage girl: This beach is tight!
Teenage boy: Tight like a fourth grader.

–Harwichport, Massachusetts

Now I'm Happy to Say That Girl Is My Wife

Loud high school girl: I was walking down the beach and I saw this girl with the fattest vagina! It was like balls!

–Good Harbor Beach, Gloucester, Massachusetts

In My Day We Called It "Getting In Trouble"

Teen girl with hands on stomach: Why do skinny girls get the bloat?
Mom: Is that what you call it?

–Nauset Beach, Cape Cod, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Blanket Once Removed

We're Even Outsourcing Our Urban Menace

Thug #1: You goin’ in the water or you not?
Chick: I wanna go in the water, but I need yo’ shirt!
Thug #1: You’s like the Mexicans sayin’ they wanna cross the fence to get to the U.S. Just climb over it!
Thug #2: They cross the river! Them Mexicans turn cars into boats and float across! They must been watchin’ Monster Garage when they turned the VW Bug into a boat!
Thug #1: You not gettin’ my t-shirt — go in the water!
Chick, turning to Thug #1’s toddler son: Can I have your jersey? You have a shirt under it! I wanna go in the water!
Toddler: No!
Thug #2: That thing was sick. They turned that car into a boat and floated across!

–Plum Island, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Megan

Time to Install More RAM

Jock #1: Woah! I am so down for some volleyball!
Jock #2: Bocce ball!
Jock #1: Bocce is huge.
Jock #2: Man, I feel like a kid in a candy store… Yo, I am so into this bocce ball.
Jock #1: Bocce is huge.

–Dr. Gravity’s Kite Shop, Harwichport, Massachusetts

Overheard by: jon wazoo

And They Say Clothes Make the Man

Queer: He looks so elegant, even when he’s not in drag!

–Provincetown, Massachusetts

Overheard by: DJ Oakes

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