Maryland

A punk passes an 80-year-old woman in a t-shirt emblazoned with the word ‘Hottie.’

Punk: I’d hit it.

–Boardwalk, Ocean City, Maryland

Teen chick #1: I might want boobs like that.
Teen chick #2: Yeah, but then they’d get old and saggy.

–Ocean City, Maryland

Overheard by: I.S.

Girl: Ah! Julian's so bad at paying attention to me when we aren't having sex! Wait, did I say that out loud?

–Ocean City, Maryland

20-something guy, screaming to total stranger: My dick is, like, totally swollen, bro!

–Ocean City, Maryland

Overheard by: Nic

Early-20s chick: I mean, I love my dad as a father and a friend, but, like, definitely not as a husband.

–Ocean City, Maryland

Overheard by: awesome is as awesome does

Drunk guy, plopping down on lounge chair: Oh yeah!

Burly man passed out next to him starts to wake up.

Drunk guy: You are a sex machine!
Burly man: What? Where am I??

–Pool bar, Ocean City, Maryland

Overheard by: Girl on nearby lounge chair

Frat guy #1: So he was dating her for a whole month before he realized she was a tranny. Even had sex with her twice, no clue.
Frat guy #2: There's no way he didn't know!
Frat guy #1: Well, he was drunk. And you went out with her before he did, so who are you to talk?

–Ocean City, Maryland

Overheard by: The WC

Thin girl ordering funnel cake: I want so much powdered sugar on it that I don't want to be able to see the dough!

–Ocean City, Maryland

Ugly girl to hot friends: No, I want to have sex… I’m just not liking my odds right now.

–Ocean City, Maryland

Overheard by: K

Overweight mother: I don't want to be a gladiator!

–Ocean City, Maryland