Ditz: Do you still tan if you don’t lie down?

–Jones Beach, Long Island, New York

Overheard by: the imbiber

Thug #1: It don’t feel like Sunday.
Thug #2: Yo, it don’t feel like a day of the week.

–Miami Beach, Florida

Overheard by: monkeybaba

Man: In Europe, all little children are naked.

–Bethany Beach, Delaware

Overheard by: I heard about that

Police officer: You’re under arrest for underage drinking in public.
American teen: But they’re from Canada, officer!
Police officer: Got any marijuana in your purse?

–Sandestin, Florida

Overheard by: proudcanadian

Dude: I’m looking for a rock that represents me.

–Sandy Neck Beach, Cape Cod, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Katherine

Girlfriend: It’s so beautiful here in Cape Cod. Wasn’t David Copperfield set in Cape Cod?
Boyfriend: Wait? You mean like the magician?

–Ferry to Nantucket, Massachusetts

Overheard by: JFN

Movie critic #1: You know that movie, with Tom Hanks, where he plays the drunk baseball player? And the women are the players because the men are gone?
Movie critic #2: Where?
Movie critic #3: To war.
Movie critic #2: So the women played baseball? That wasn’t a movie.
Movie critic #1: You know, the movie has that star that’s on TV. Bette Davis’ daughter.
Movie critic #3: Who?

Debate goes on for several minutes.

Movie critic #1: Wait, it’s Geena Davis! She’s Betty Davis’ daughter! See the resemblence in the eyes?
Movie critic #3: Didn’t Betty Davis hate Geena because she was tall?
Movie critic #1: Well, she got the part anyway, didn’t she? Geesh, I wish I could remember the name of that movie!

–Nauset Beach, Eastham, Massachusetts

Italian guy about cars with undercarriage lights: Look at these shitheads with the fucking shit on their fucks!

–Jersey Shore, New Jersey

Overheard by: quazarfreez

Teen tourist: Oh my God, there’s a high school over there! Wait, does that mean people actually live here? I thought it was just a tourist place. Weird.


Tourist: So, what’s on the other side of the lake?
Lifeguard: Ummm, that’s not a lake — that’s the Atlantic Ocean.

–Virginia Beach, Virginia