Idiot dad: You know they import all this sand from Florida, that’s why it’s so soft.
Idiot son: Yeah, I’ve heard that too.

–Newcomb Hollow Beach, Wellfleet, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Alana Geary

American beach‐goer #1: I wonder if the people here have trouble understanding us sometimes.
American beach‐goer #2: Why would they?
American beach‐goer #1: Because of our accents.
American beach‐goer #2: But we don’t have accents.

–Edinburgh, Scotland

Guy: Hey, beautiful ladies! My name is Sean. I run a company that increases the number of hits your website gets on search engines. I’m sure I could help you in your line of work What do you do?
Woman: I’m a neurosurgeon.
Guy: Hey, it’s good to see that even a brain surgeon has time to head out to the beach. Let me show you how my company can help you get more business.
Woman: I’m sure it can’t.
Guy: Well then, how ’bout I just give you my number?
Woman: How about I just give you a lobotomy?

–Nahant Beach, Massachusetts

Excessively tan man: I don’t trust SPF 14 anyway.

–Virginia Beach, Virginia

Overheard by: Jo

American tourist, to black islander carving a sculpture from a log: You people are so talented!

–Straw Market, Nassau, Bahamas

Overheard by: Dumbfounded Tourist

Tourist standing on beach: Excuse me. Can you tell me where the beach is?

–Jones Beach, New York

Overheard by: Shannon

19‐year‐old boy: I want to make a shirt that says “Keep Allah out of downtown New York” and wear it to Ground Zero.

–Jones Beach, New York

Overheard by: Couldn’t Agree More

Teen girl #1: God, I hate when people bring their cell phones to the beach.
Teen girl #2: I have my cell phone at the beach right now.
Teen girl #1: Me too.

–Ocean Beach, New Jersey

Tourist: Where do they put the sand in the winter?
Local, sarcastically: Oh, they put it in bags and store it in the convention center.

–Ocean City, Maryland

Overheard by: OC local

Doctor: This woman came into the ER the other day who had cut herself on the forehead, but instead of using a towel or something to stop the bleeding, she wrapped her head up like seven times with duct tape.
Dork: Holy shit! How did you get it off of her?
Doctor: We had to cut it off in little strips. She looked like a Hershey’s Kiss.
Dork: What, you mean she was black?
Doctor: Yes!

–Crane Beach, Massachusetts