Idiots

Lifeguard on megaphone: Attention, beach-goers, due to the sunset, you must get out in 5 minutes or else we will turn the waves off.
Girl: Oh my God! Is he serious?!

–Huntington Beach, California

Teen girl #1 is making a crease in her towel and filling it with sand.

Teen girl #2: What the fuck are you doing?
Teen girl #1: Look! It’s ‘de Nile’!
Teen girl #2: What? You mean the Nile River? How could that be the Nile River? There’s no water involved!
Teen girl #1, after long pause: Well… Has anyone ever told you that you look like Danny DeVito?

–Jericho Beach, British Columbia, Canadia

Overheard by: bondgirl

Meathead #1: I was so wasted last night.
Meathead #2: Yeah?
Meathead #1: My girlfriend showed me pictures of me making out with a dude.
Meathead #2: Yeah, I think that was me.

–Revere Beach, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Tom

Idiot chick #1: Oh my god! This sand is sooo much hotter than it was this morning!
Idiot chick #2: Yeah, this morning it wasn’t that hot!
Idiot chick #3: But now it’s really hot!
Idiot chick #2: Yeah!
Idiot chick #1: Not like this morning.
Idiot chick #3: Yeah… It wasn’t that hot this morning.
(brief pause)
Idiot chick #1: Yeah…

–Long Beach, New York

Overheard by: Suzanne

Girl #1: Yeah, so I wore two different colored flip-flops to the mall. It was so humiliating all day, looking like that.
Girl #2: I would’ve died!

–Ocean Beach, Fire Island, New York

20-something guy to deck hand, pointing to stairs: Do these stairs go down?

–Boat, Boston Harbor

Overheard by: Deck Hand

Dude: When I was in Florida, there was a dolphin in the water about five feet from me. I never ran so fast in my life.
Chick: Why?
Dude: When something big and black surfaces next to you in the water, you generally start to shit your pants.

–North Burleigh Beach, Australia

Overheard by: Galina

Walker #1: So I think I am going to train for the LA marathon.
Walker #2: Really? What’s the cause?
Walker #1: Well, it’s for AIDS. Not that I have AIDS, nor know anyone who does.
Walker #2: Yeah, well, we all know AIDS is bad.

–Olympic & La Cienega Park, Los Angeles, California

Guy to pal: Dude, I am pissed. When we were at your mom’s house the other night, she didn’t even give me a taco. That is horse shit. My mom always gives you a taco.

–Belmar, New Jersey

Over-tanned lady to beach bum eating plum: I would rather drink shower water than eat unwashed fruit.

–Ala Moana Center, Honolulu, Hawaii

Overheard by: Jade Buddha