Dude: … So I’m, like, sitting there and she just keeps staring at me! So you know what I did? I threw my pizza crust at her forehead… And she started to bleed! I mean, that was some hard pizza crust, man! And you know what did said? Nothing! She just kept staring!
–Dewey Beach, Delaware
Tourist, about the tide: Where does all the water go?
–Ogunquit Beach, Ogunquit, Maine
Overheard by: C’mon
Fat dude on awkward first date: Yeah, so that’s why I didn’t put ‘Let’s meet at Starbucks’ in my ad. ‘Let’s have a beer on the beach,’ you know?
Obese chick: Mmm‐hmmm.
Fat dude: So… You don’t drink?
Obese chick: Hm‐mmm.
Fat dude: So, it’s fair to say you have a problem with alcohol.
Obese chick: I don’t have a problem with it.
Fat dude, after long pause: So, what do you do? I mean, what other hobbies do you have?
Obese chick: I chew a lot of gum.
–Golden Gardens Park, Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Brooke
Boater #1: Look at all the geese! Will they move out of the way of the boat?
Boater #2: Of course they’ll move. They’re just like birds.
–Lake Erie, Cleveland, Ohio
Overheard by: Beth
Over‐dressed and self‐important guy on cell: No, no, it was some sort of implement she was calling us… No… Rubber? A douchebag? I’ve heard that before.
–Pacific Palisades, California
Overheard by: ear of the betafish
Fat guy: Oh boy, that plane looks just like a seagull. You’d never see it coming! Oh wait, that is a seagull.
–Air show, Lake Michigan
Overheard by: Steve W
Anorexic girl: I wish I had AIDS. I hear you lose a lot of weight that way.
–San Francisco, California
Overheard by: so not PC
Jock: Don’t diabetics have to check their pH level?
–Long Beach, New York
Meathead: God, there are an awful lot of bums here.
Ditzy girl: I know. But think about it, being a bum in San Diego is totally smart. It’s never cold, and they can just sleep on the beach, and the church around the corner from my house feeds them for free every day. They’ve got it made!
Meathead: Totally. Being a bum here must rock. If I ever need to, I’m gonna be a bum here.
Ditzy girl: I know. I don’t know why people would be bums anywhere else. I mean, how stupid. If you’re gonna be homeless, do it in San Diego. Duh.
–Pacific Beach, San Diego, California
Overheard by: American Goods
