Idiots

Tourist: Are you a lifeguard?
Lifeguard: No, I just bring this 12-foot wooden lifeguard stand with me wherever I go.

–Kennebunk, Maine

Overheard by: Mike

20-ish blonde: What time is it in Florida?

–Ocean City, New Jersey

Amateur marine biologist #1: Why are they called jellyfish?
Amateur marine biologist #2: They taste like jelly. Duh.
Amateur marine biologist #1: Blueberry jelly?
Amateur marine biologist #2: I dunno. Taste it.
Amateur marine biologist #1, moments later: Cherry.

–Chesapeake Bay

Amateur musicologist: Paul McCartney had a band before Wings?

–Phoenix, Arizona

Little boy, pointing to large drawing of a penis in the sand: Oh my God, that is disgusting. Dad, look, it’s disgusting!! Dad, do you know what it is?
Dad: Yes.

Mom walks over.

Mom: What is it?

–Popham Beach, Maine

Overheard by: Fitzy

Teen girl #1: The sand is so hot!
Teen girl #2: That’s why God put the sand near the water.
Teen girl #1: God was a genius!

–Fair Haven Beach, New York

Overheard by: Jane

Girl #1: Great, now we can’t go swimming.
Girl #2: Why not?
Girl #1: ‘Cause it’s raining. That’d be, like, double wet.
Girl #2: Oh.

–Ocean Grove Beach, Australia

Overheard by: Alex

Chick #1: Hey, have you heard of those Rice Krispie treats? They’re awesome. They should so make a cereal out of those or something!
Chick #2: You dumbass, they are cereal!
Chick #1: Oh…

–Robert Moses Beach, Long Island, New York

Overheard by: i like rice krispies

30-Something business dude: I’ve traveled a lot, man, and I’ve been to Costa Rica, and there are no Indians there. Like, people are educated, and there are people with Master’s degrees driving taxi cabs and stuff!

–Golden Gardens, Seattle, Washington

Overheard by: Be-deez nuts

Girlfriend: Hey, do you know I heard down in Brazil they, like, mix sand in with their suntan lotion so that it exfoliates their skin?
Boyfriend: That’s fucking stupid.
Girlfriend: Tell me about it! I tried it last year and got a nasty rash. So this year I’m using sand and baby oil.

–Waikiki Beach, Hawaii

Overheard by: Neeri