Idiots

Movie critic #1: You know that movie, with Tom Hanks, where he plays the drunk baseball player? And the women are the players because the men are gone?
Movie critic #2: Where?
Movie critic #3: To war.
Movie critic #2: So the women played baseball? That wasn’t a movie.
Movie critic #1: You know, the movie has that star that’s on TV. Bette Davis’ daughter.
Movie critic #3: Who?

Debate goes on for several minutes.

Movie critic #1: Wait, it’s Geena Davis! She’s Betty Davis’ daughter! See the resemblence in the eyes?
Movie critic #3: Didn’t Betty Davis hate Geena because she was tall?
Movie critic #1: Well, she got the part anyway, didn’t she? Geesh, I wish I could remember the name of that movie!

–Nauset Beach, Eastham, Massachusetts

Italian guy about cars with undercarriage lights: Look at these shitheads with the fucking shit on their fucks!

–Jersey Shore, New Jersey

Overheard by: quazarfreez

Teen tourist: Oh my God, there’s a high school over there! Wait, does that mean people actually live here? I thought it was just a tourist place. Weird.

–Aruba

Tourist: So, what’s on the other side of the lake?
Lifeguard: Ummm, that’s not a lake — that’s the Atlantic Ocean.

–Virginia Beach, Virginia

Girl #1: Do you want to come run with me?
Girl #2: Yeah, just let me finish this cigarette.
Girl #1: Yeah. I think I’ll have one, too. It loosens up your lungs.

–Dewey Beach, Delaware

Overheard by: Steve

Man in skirt to bald woman: Seriously… Marijuana-fueled cars. It’d be great! Everyone would be high, and we’d have clean air!

–Avon, New Jersey

Overheard by: Tomatilla

German: We’ll see the Grand Canyon, Las Vegas, and Disneyland. Then on the second day…

–Los Angeles, California

Woman: So, since the hurricane is coming, are they going to put up the hurricane shield?
Municipal employee: Hurricane shield?
Woman: Yes, the hurricane shield. Doesn’t the city have a shield you put up to block the wind and such from the hurricane?!
Municipal employee: Ma’am, no such thing exists.
Woman, sarcastically: Well, aren’t you guys just the most prepared beach town in America!
Municipal employee: Have a wonderful day, ma’am.

–Virginia Beach, Virginia

Overheard by: Cebastian

20-something girl, coming out of the ocean: This water’s salty!

–Myrtle Beach, South Carolina

Beach-goer: Holy shit! Is that a squirrel in your panties?!

–Newport Beach, California

Overheard by: BAJAZEUS