Girl #1: Yeah, so I wore two different colored flip-flops to the mall. It was so humiliating all day, looking like that.
Girl #2: I would’ve died!
–Ocean Beach, Fire Island, New York
Girl #1: Yeah, so I wore two different colored flip-flops to the mall. It was so humiliating all day, looking like that.
Girl #2: I would’ve died!
–Ocean Beach, Fire Island, New York
20-something guy to deck hand, pointing to stairs: Do these stairs go down?
–Boat, Boston Harbor
Overheard by: Deck Hand
Dude: When I was in Florida, there was a dolphin in the water about five feet from me. I never ran so fast in my life.
Chick: Why?
Dude: When something big and black surfaces next to you in the water, you generally start to shit your pants.
–North Burleigh Beach, Australia
Overheard by: Galina
Walker #1: So I think I am going to train for the LA marathon.
Walker #2: Really? What’s the cause?
Walker #1: Well, it’s for AIDS. Not that I have AIDS, nor know anyone who does.
Walker #2: Yeah, well, we all know AIDS is bad.
–Olympic & La Cienega Park, Los Angeles, California
Guy to pal: Dude, I am pissed. When we were at your mom’s house the other night, she didn’t even give me a taco. That is horse shit. My mom always gives you a taco.
–Belmar, New Jersey
Over-tanned lady to beach bum eating plum: I would rather drink shower water than eat unwashed fruit.
–Ala Moana Center, Honolulu, Hawaii
Overheard by: Jade Buddha
American #1: This local song, ‘Cachaca,’ is weird. Isn’t that the same word that they use for that booze? That’s like having a song just called, like, ‘Tequila’ or something.
American #2: … There is a song called ‘Tequila.’ It was in Pee-wee’s Big Adventure.
–Salvador, Brazil
Overheard by: E. Vill. Genius
Idiot dad: You know they import all this sand from Florida, that's why it's so soft.
Idiot son: Yeah, I've heard that too.
–Newcomb Hollow Beach, Wellfleet, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Alana Geary
American beach-goer #1: I wonder if the people here have trouble understanding us sometimes.
American beach-goer #2: Why would they?
American beach-goer #1: Because of our accents.
American beach-goer #2: But we don’t have accents.
–Edinburgh, Scotland
Guy: Hey, beautiful ladies! My name is Sean. I run a company that increases the number of hits your website gets on search engines. I’m sure I could help you in your line of work What do you do?
Woman: I’m a neurosurgeon.
Guy: Hey, it’s good to see that even a brain surgeon has time to head out to the beach. Let me show you how my company can help you get more business.
Woman: I’m sure it can’t.
Guy: Well then, how ’bout I just give you my number?
Woman: How about I just give you a lobotomy?
–Nahant Beach, Massachusetts
