Gripes

12-year-old boy to boogie boarding pal: You just did a 360! That was so awesome! We should all give you blowjobs for that! Even your brother!
Friend: Dude, you are so gay.

–Monterey Beach, New Jersey

Overheard by: Rebecca Anna Smith

Little boy to mom: Don’t touch me! Only Daddy can touch me. [Mom picks boy up.] I’m going to make Daddy spank you right on your bottom!

–Virginia Beach, Virginia

Dude #1: I wish she would just forgive me already. It’s been over a month.
Dude #2: Dude, you went down on her sister!
Dude #1: Well, yeah, exactly. It’s like the same pussy, right?

–Jacksonville Beach, Florida

Burly guy: One good thing about this trip: at least it ain’t Jersey.
Girlfriend: Jersey’s not that bad!
Burly guy: Easy for you to say, there’s not a warrant out for you there.

–Revere Beach, Revere, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Staying far away from this guy…

14-year-old boy, looking at tide chart: Dude, I don’t get it! High tide is at 9:55 p.m., but this place closes at eight!

–Crescent Beach, Florida

Overheard by: Kevin and Elissa

Girl with lower standards: I think you should go out with Spook. Yeah, I like him for you.
Girl with higher standards: He’s a drug dealer. Why would I want to date a drug dealer?
Girl with lower standards: He’s not a drug dealer.
Girl with higher standards: He sells me weed all the time.
Girl with lower standards: That’s just his part-time job.

–Cabbage Beach, Paradise Island, Bahamas

Girl #1: So then I said, “I’ll pierce anything I wanna pierce, asshole!” and left.
Girl #2: Good for you. It was a stupid reason to break up with you, anyway.

–Daytona Beach, Florida

Overheard by: Liz Burrin

Overweight, trashy lady: It’s not hanging out!
Trashy daughter: Mom, yes it is. You can’t wear that kind of suit.
Trashy lady: We just drove two hours to get here, the weather’s not that great, and I can wear a thong if I want to tan my ass whenever I want!

–Rio del Mar, Aptos, California

Overheard by: Melissa

White hicks in car let out low wolf whistles.

White chick on sidewalk: I’m sorry, we’re just not into white guys right now.

–Destin, Florida

Overheard by: Beach Bum

Scrabble girl #1: Rasheeon?
Scrabble girl #2: It’s “ration.”
Scrabble girl #1: I don’t think that’s a word.
Scrabble girl #2: Come on! You know, like in Cambodia, you get your daily food rations.
Scrabble girl #1: You can’t use Cambodian words.

–Long Beach, New York

Overheard by: Andrew