Shelby Went Kayaking With the Prince of Darkness and Had a Comparatively Lovely Time

Mother, loudly: Oh my God, get over here! Turn around!
Teen daughter: What! What’s on me?!
Mother: A stretch mark! That’s what! Right there on your hip! You have got to lay off the chips! We are on vacation here. You shouldn’t be stress-eating!
Teen daughter: Mom! Shut up! People can hear you.
Mother: No, no one is listening, and besides, they can all see it, too.
Kayaking instructor: Does everyone have their life vests on? Good now I’d like you all to pair up, and for this first run we are going to pair up with someone you don’t know.
Daughter: Thank God!
Mother: What?

–Bayville, New Jersey

Posted on January 18, 2023
Advice, Assholes, Body parts, Diet and Weight, Family, Girls, Insults, Moms, New Jersey

He Needs a 4-Hour Briefing Before She Can Take Him Out of the House

Mom to little boy: Now, don’t touch other people’s eyeballs.

–St. Simons Island, Georgia

Posted on January 7, 2023
Advice, Body parts, Georgia, Moms

Plus, That Species Of Dragon Has a Much Shorter Wingspan

College girl to college guys carving dragon in the sand: Ugh! What is wrong with you?! Dragons do not have such muscular arms!
College guy: Ours does!
College girl: I am torn: do I continue arguing about tiny dragon arms as if dragons are real or move on to mocking you for giving your dragon the biceps you wish you had?

–Virginia Beach, Virginia

Posted on December 30, 2022
Animals, Body parts, Fat people, Physical Appearance, Questions, Sorority girls, Virginia, Weirdness, Wishes

Time to Go Back in the Water, Sweetie

Little girl: Guess what Daddy told me, Mommy!
Mother: What’s that?
Little girl: When you sweat, it’s like your skin is peeing all over you!

–Virginia Beach, Virginia

Overheard by: Mandy

Posted on December 27, 2022
Body parts, Default, Girls, Kids, Moms, Pee, Sensory Experiences, Stupidity, Virginia

…And That's How the Revolutionary War Began.

Girl to friend: He was upset because she wouldn't let him cum on her face!

–Wrightsville Beach, North Carolina

Posted on December 24, 2022
Body parts, Feelings, Friends, Girls, Kink, North Carolina

What Would It Cost to Rent It?

40-something guy: So, what do you do for a living?
Chick in bikini: Oh, I have a long list of things…
40-something guy: Stripper?
Chick in bikini, hardly offended: Do I look like I have the body of a stripper?
40-something guy: That’s why I asked.

–Palm Beach, Florida

Posted on December 24, 2022
Assholes, Body parts, Florida, Insults

But Mummy, I'm Too Old to Nurse in Public!

British mother to young child: Either put it in your mouth or I'm giving it to charity!

–Miami Beach, Florida

Posted on December 22, 2022
Body parts, Florida, Kids, Moms, Threats, Weirdness

Which Is Why I'm Oddly Drawn to Starbucks Coffee

Drunk girl: I think I am sexually attracted to fire.
Sober girl: Yeah…let me know how that goes.
Drunk girl: It burns, but I gotta admit I love the smell of burning pubic hair in the morning.

–Gold Coast, Australia