Vendor: Hey, buy some pizza!
Chick: I don’t like bread.
Vendor: Then just eat the cheese!
Chick: I’m lactose-intolerant.
Vendor: Fro-zen yo-gurt!
–Venice Beach, California
Archive for the ‘Vendors’ Category
A Sales Pitch That’s Almost As Shitty As Corona.
Beach vendor #1: Ice cold corona! Aaargh!
Beach vendor #2: Ice cold water, beer! Aaargh!
Beach vendor #1: Yo, we need wigs.
Beach vendor #2: Next time I’m wearing a pirate costume, don’t get it twisted.
Beach vendor #1: Ice cold corona, aargh!
–Brighton Beach, New York
Becky Took Silver at the Oversharing Olympics
Woman, buying concert t‑shirt: How do these run? Big? Small?
Salesman: Well, they run a little small so I usually get a bigger size.
Woman: No, no. I have just had liposuction all down my back so I want mine to be really tight.
–Biloxi, Mississippi
Overheard by: SusanPC
How Much Less?
Junk jewelry salesman: Come on in here and see our stuff, señorita! We rip you off less!
Overheard by: tee
–Open air market, Tijuana
Which Anniversary Is the Coors Anniversary Again?
Guy selling beer: Ladies, if your man won’t buy you a beer he ain’t gonna buy you anything else!
Same guy selling beer, an hour later: If you don’t drink beer, you’re gonna die!
–Brighton Beach, New York
Overheard by: Ramen
One Day You, Too, Can Be a Douchebag!
Out-of-shape 50-something customer: I don’t know, the guys I see riding fixed-gear bikes are in really good shape.
20-something bike salesman: That shouldn’t intimidate you; it should inspire you.
–Sag Harbor, New York
Overheard by: the lerpa
Wow, Am I Lost
Girl: Excuse me, what lake is this?
Street vendor: The Atlantic one.
–Portland, Maine
The Black Hole Of Calcutta Eventually Stumped Him
Guy selling belly and tongue rings: If you got the hole, we got the thing for it!
–Coney Island, New York
The Obesity Epidemic is Starting Younger and Younger, You Know
Vendor: Okay, here’s your small fries and Diet Coke. Will that be all?
Lady: That’s a Diet Coke, right?
Vendor: Right, I just poured it. Diet Coke.
Lady: You’re sure? Diet? Not regular?
Vendor: That’s right. It’s Diet Coke.
Lady: Because I’m pregnant and I don’t want to harm my baby, so I can only have Diet Coke until my due date.
–Garry Point, Richmond, British Columbia, Canadia
Overheard by: appalled customer waiting for fish and chips
The Bible Omitted the Serpent’s Jet-Ski Pitch
Local dude, trying to get me to buy a jet-ski ride: You can drink and drive. It’s paradise!
–Paradise Island, The Bahamas
Overheard by: Drunken Swimmer
