Fat tourist lady: So then he yelled “I’m going to poop on your chest, you’ll see!”
–South Beach, Florida
Overheard by: Captain K
Archive for the ‘Poop’ Category
…According to That Al Gore Documentary.
10-year-old boy to younger brother: All mother nature gave you is a bag of shit.
–North Padre, Texas
Mom Rates Them on the Same Scale As Figure-Skating
Lady in vehicle on cell: I mean, she wants to know everything, and it’s really getting annoying, I’m like “mom, Jesus Christ, hey, I took a shit today, you want to know if it floated or if it sank?”
–Tampa, Florida
Overheard by: Elise
At the Stupid Human Tricks Semifinals
Man to family: You should have seen her! She was pooping sandcastles!
–Jersey Shore, New Jersey
Overheard by: Chris
What? The Tide Carries It Away!
Man to wife and daughter: Hey! I’ve shat my pants before and it really wasn’t that bad, so I’d be willing to do it again.
–Virginia Beach, Virginia
And Lived Happily Ever After
20-something college guy: So he was getting the anal beads pulled out, coming at the same time, and he shat all over this girl’s couch.
20-something college girl: Well then what did he do?
20-something college guy: I dunno, he probably wiped his ass and left…
–Casino Beach, Pensacola, Florida
AKA ‘Potato Lung’
Dude #1: So, apparently he died from consumption.
Dude #2: Oh, man, I would hate to die from constipation… I think I almost did, once.
Dude #3: Is that what happens when you get tuberculosis?
–Martha’s Vineyard, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Juan Dude
God Helps Those Who Help Themselves
Old black lady finishes pooping and flushes: Oh, thank you, Jesus! [Hums gospel tune.]
–Miami Beach, Florida
Overheard by: Lauren
Nothing Worse Than a Black Forest Caca
Kid, skateboarding in parking lot next door: I think those gummy worms gave me diarrhea.
–Huntington Beach, California
Overheard by: Jen
But Why Is It Purple?
Girl #1: Look at that guy!
Girl #2: Which one?
Girl #1: The one with the white thong!
Girl #2: [80-year-old guy bends over to pick up shell.] Look! The thong’s not white there!
Girl #1: Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!
–Daytona Beach, Florida
