Gay guy on the beach to friend: I knew this guy once, he smoked some meth, and he was so messed up he got double penetrated… but didn't even realize it.

–Rockaway Beach, New York

Overheard by: Chickenring

Guy trying to pick up girl: Hey you wanna go out tonight?
Girl being picked up: No.
Guy trying to pick up girl: Why not? You married?
Girl being picked up: No.
Guy trying to pick up girl: Oh, is it because of that natalie halloway shit? Omg too funny. Who brings that up when trying to pick up chicks??

–Panama City Beach

14-year-old girl to group of friends: "yeah, vodka, man, that shit is strong. Like, 14 shots and I'm done."

–Huntington Beach, CA

Girl in jeans: Did you seriously just ride side-saddle on the merry-go-round?
Girl in long skirt: Fuck you, I'm a magical fuckin' princess.

–Santa Cruz, California

Mom to #2 girls running from pool to their towel: Get away from that towel! You're wet, you don't need no towel!

–Mount Vernon NY

Mother to son: How many times can I tell you not to touch the hobos!?

–Coney Island, New York

Mother to three-year-old: Will you quit playin’ with that damn sand?!

–Coney Island, New York

Four-year-old girl: Look daddy, I'm going to make a sand castle!
Inexplicably angry father: You know that's not going to work! The sand has to be wet. I thought we went over this already, but you never listen, do you?

–Grand Bend, Canadia

Overheard by: Castle

Dominican teen girl: Yo, I shouldn't be telling you this because you my sister's boyfriend but… My nipples. I like them.

–Jones Beach

Overheard by: sara

a mom is comforting her son who hit his head.
Grandma: Don't worry, your grandfather used to get drunk and run into the wall. Then he would get angry and start punching it!

–A Beach in Utah