Idiots

Like a Bump and Grind Moron, or a Quick Fingerbang Moron?

Guy #1: Have you ever had sex on the beach?
Guy #2: The drink or actual sex?
Guy #1: Actual sex.
Guy #2: With a girl?
Guy #1: What the hell else would I mean?! Yeah, with a girl!
Guy #2: Like, actually having sex on the sand, like, right here.
Guy #1: Yeah, like in the sand with a girl on the beach, having sex.
Guy #2: You mean, like, full-on bump and grind sex or a quick fingerbang?
Guy #1: Sex, man, sex!
Guy #2: Because there are many types of sex, like anal and oral…
Guy #1: Full fucking sex! Just answer the question! Have you had sex on the beach? Jesus!
Guy #2: No, man, I haven’t.
Guy #1: You’re a fucking moron.

–Panama City, Florida

Overheard by: walking behind them trying not to bust a gut

Hopefully They'll Never Find Out I Cheated with Those Nantucket Nectars

40-year-old man #1: Water bottles are a major part of my life.
40-year-old man #2: Yeah…

–Hammonasset Beach, Connecticut

Overheard by: Very amused

Further Proof That the Sun Will Fry Your Brain If You Don't Wear a Hat

Girl #1: Yeah, that is unless I morph into a…
Girl #2: (laughs)
Girl #1: What's so funny?
Girl #2: You said “morph,” it's a funny word.
Girl #1: Is it? I thought we both used it in everyday conversation.
Girl #2: Do we?
Girl #1: I don't know… (giggles) Morphs… It is a funny word!
Girl #2, laughing: Morphs!

–Hollywood, Florida

Overheard by: intelligent conversation..

We Pay Our Rent in Hockey Pucks

Bearded hipster: I live with my mom… You know, because she's Canadian.

–Bradford Beach, Milwaukee, Wisconsin

Overheard by: Trying to Enjoy the Beach

Get It Drunk and It'll Do Both at the Same Time

Passenger: Excuse me, sir, but does that staircase go up or down?
Crew member: Yes.

–Boarding a cruise ship

Dude, Everybody Used to Wear Their Hair Like That

Suburban man #1: What about Sam Adams?
Suburban man #2: Ugh, I hate all Sam Adams beers. I would never touch the stuff.
Suburban man #1: Why?
Suburban man #2: Well, Sam Adams was a gay man. And, well, I believe in gayness, but I just don’t think gay people can make beer.

–Lake Waubeeka, Connecticut

Overheard by: Hametuka

On the Other Hand, You Could Be Wrong

Man #1: What kind of clouds are those?
Man #2: Ambidextrous.
Man #1: Oh, yeah. Ambidextrous.

–Corolla, North Carolina

Overheard by: James

No, We're Practicing Civil Disobedience

Brainiac: Are you allowed to skinny dip here?

–Nude beach, Sandy Hook, New Jersey

In a Related Story, Keira Knightley Spotted Scouring the Beach for Buried Treasure

Guy: My god, what is that?
Chick: What?
Guy: This thing here. Medical waste is washing up on the shore.
Chick: What are you talking about?
Guy: Right there. It’s a breast implant.
Chick: It’s a jellyfish, you ninny.
Guy: … I wondered why there were so many.

–Jersey Shore, New Jersey

God, We are So Much Grittier than those Spoiled Little Shits on TV

OC dude #1: So, like, when you were at college, did you have to do your own laundry?
OC dude #2: Yeah.
OC dude #1: That sucks. I had to do my own laundry for, like, a year.
OC dude #2: It’s actually not that bad.
OC dude #1: Yeah, it actually makes you feel really responsible.

–Huntington Beach, California

Overheard by: Lena

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