40-year-old woman to friend: Yeah, they told me I can only have solid liquids for a week.
–Miami Beach, Florida
40-year-old woman to friend: Yeah, they told me I can only have solid liquids for a week.
–Miami Beach, Florida
Teen girl #1: Remember when Paul and Diane had sex at the beach last year?
Teen girl #2: Yeah, that shit’s so gross. Have you seen this water?
Teen girl #1: Yeah, there’s so much nasty shit in here.
Teen girl #2: That’s why I’ll only have sex at Jones — it’s much cleaner.
Teen girl #1: Def.
–Rockaway, New York
Overheard by: A. D.
Girl #1: Do you want to come run with me?
Girl #2: Yeah, just let me finish this cigarette.
Girl #1: Yeah. I think I’ll have one, too. It loosens up your lungs.
–Dewey Beach, Delaware
Overheard by: Steve
40-year-old yuppie man: Yeah! I think a detox kiosk is a great idea!
–La Jolla, California
Overheard by: Confetti Bomb
Petite and topless blonde: When I get my boobs done, I'm gonna like… Walk around school with my tits out all the time.
–South Beach, Miami, Florida
Overheard by: mar
20-year-old speaking to friends: Why didn't you guys take me to hospital?
–Dee Why Beach, Sydney, Australia
Girl under umbrella: She said her two life goals are to grow a third arm and trip a cripple.
Mom (to friend): She’s a theater kid.
Friend: But still, I don’t see any reason to hurt a disabled person.
–Sea Isle City, New Jersey
Overheard by: Mary
Woman: I really hate diets. I mean, I guess I could start smoking. But isn't that bad for your lungs or something?
–Santa Barbara, California
Overheard by: something like that
Angry mother: Wash your damn hands!
Dirty son: No!
Angry mother: Wash your damn hands, Justin!
Dirty son: [Sticks his hands in the clogged sink.]Angry mother: Use the fucking soap. You just gave the dog his medicine in his butt.
Dirty son: No way, I already stuck my hands in my mouth.
–In-N-Out Burger, Long Beach, California
Guy: So how’s Bob?
Girl: He’s okay. They went in and found the tumor and took it out. They still need to do a biopsy to see what it is, but they think they got it all.
Guy: Yeah, but how is he?
Girl: He says he’s got a big headache.
Guy: Well, yeah, of course he’s got a headache!
Girl: Yeah, huh? The guy did just have brain surgery. But you know Bob. He was back in business on Friday, still selling herb, but now he’s got a patch on his head. “We gotta get back to normal!”
Guy: That’s a New York Jew for you.
Girl: You said it, not me.
–Coney Island, New York
Overheard by: Sunny Reiser
