Girl, as brother attempts to bury her in the sand: Why am I the one who gets to be buried?!
Boy: Cause no one wants to see you. Now lie down!
–Balm Beach, Ontario, Canada
Swedish guy: … So she had to shave her pussy and use a used razor she found in the trash.
–Barcelona, Spain
Overheard by: boxface
Girl to boyfriend: My vagina is all wet, and not in the good way.
–Seaside Heights, New Jersey
Overheard by: Thommy
Middle-aged guy #1: I’m gettin’ old, buddy.
Middle-aged guy #2: We’re all gettin’ old.
Middle-aged guy #1: Yeah, but first I was just gettin’ too tired to have sex, so I was jerkin’ off a lot. Now I’m too tired to even jerk off.
Middle-aged guy #2: Shut up. You’re getting me depressed.
–Boardwalk, Long Beach, New York
Overheard by: Big Larry
Tween in one-piece: Amber’s parents let her wear a bikini.
Dad: But her parents love her.
Teen brother: No, they don’t. She’s just a 10-year-old slut.
–Lake Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canadia
Overheard by: Jenny
Tanned girl: That’s not tanning lotion. That’s brown paint.
Pale girl: Well, it cost me $80 so it better get me your color. Besides, it says Tahitian women have been using it for years!
Tanned girl: Yeah, and Tahitian women have been having syphilis for years, too.
–Sporting Beach Club, Beirut, Lebanon
Overheard by: Nicolien
Girl: Hey, Daddy, look, I am riding a giant sand penis.
Daddy: I really don’t want to ever hear you say that again.
Girl: Daddy, do you want to ride the giant sand penis?
–Biloxi, Mississippi
Overheard by: Lori Lou Who
20-Something girl #1: Yeah, I fell asleep. It was a stupid movie! And that guy with the squid on his face, who was he, Medusa?
20-Something girl #2: You mean Davy Jones?
20-Something girl #1: Yeah. And I was like, what about The Monkees?
20-Something girl #2: There weren’t any monkeys.
20-Something girl #1: You’re too young to remember the Sixties. Davy Jones was in the Monkees.
20-Something girl #2: Um, Davy Jones the pirate came first. Haven’t you ever heard of Davy Jones’s locker?
20-Something girl #1: I have absolutely no idea what you’re talking about.
–Craigville Beach, Cape Cod, Massachusetts
Man #1: Man, I’ve got some sandy nuts. Sannndy nuuuts!
Man #2: Dude, shake it over there. You’re getting your nut-sand all over me.
–Ocean Beach, San Diego, California
Overheard by: Daryl
Awesome mom #1: Yeah, so they were going to adopt this baby from China, but when they saw her she was ugly and they decided not to get her.
Awesome mom #2: Oh, really? That’s too bad.
–Ferry Beach, Maine
Overheard by: shawshank
