20-something woman #1: She was bitching about how there was nothing to eat in the house, and so Bob* said, “you could go to the store,” and she said, “I don't go to the store on my vacation. There are two things I don't do on vacation: go to the store and cook.”
20-something woman #2: What is she even on vacation from? Sitting on her ass?
–Holden Beach, North Carolina
Woman #1: I once saw my neighbor being taken out of his house in a coroner’s bag.
Woman #2: Why?
Woman #1: Because he was dead.
–Manhattan Beach, California
Bimbette: I thought he was a paraplegic, but it turned out he was just lazy.
–Point Pleasant, New Jersey
Overheard by: Patricia
White chick with dreads: Yeah, I used to pee on my best friend all the time… Well, I guess it was really just one time, but we peed on each other. I was sitting on her lap and I was laughing really hard, and I was like, ‘Oh I have to pee,’ but then I thought it’d be even funnier, so I just let it go. Later she tackled me in the water and peed on me. It was kinda nice — like, really warm.
–Pickerel Lake, Michigan
Overheard by: Maude Lynne
Guy #1: No. She, like, threw the tampon.
Guy #2: At him?
Guy #1: Yeah, to turn him on.
–St. Augustine, Florida
Dude #1: So yeah, she got pretty pissed ’cause we were eating all her food.
Dude #2: That sucks. She’s a bitch.
Dude #1: Yeah, but then we found the peanut butter — dude, it was like we just struck gold! And then we spread it all over her bookshelf.
Dude #2: Nice!
Dude #1: Yeah, it was awesome.
–Spring Lake, New Jersey
Bikini #1: And?
Bikini #2: And what?
Bikini #1: And what happened?
Bikini #2: We had sex.
–Bondi Beach, Australia
Overheard by: Ggary
Chick to whispering friend: You shaved down there so he could stick his tongue in you?!
–Deerfield Beach, Florida
Overheard by: Marg
Suburban man #1: What about Sam Adams?
Suburban man #2: Ugh, I hate all Sam Adams beers. I would never touch the stuff.
Suburban man #1: Why?
Suburban man #2: Well, Sam Adams was a gay man. And, well, I believe in gayness, but I just don’t think gay people can make beer.
–Lake Waubeeka, Connecticut
Overheard by: Hametuka
Hippie chick #1: He’s doing fantastic.
Hippie chick #2: Really?
Hippie chick #1: Yeah, his family was really worried about him for a while, but he’s fine now… He’s, like, the leader of some cult in the valley.
Hippie chick #2: Good for him.
–Venice Beach, California
