Little boy passing by a midget: Mom! Mom! I just saw a people-kid!
–Myrtle Beach, South Carolina
Little boy passing by a midget: Mom! Mom! I just saw a people-kid!
–Myrtle Beach, South Carolina
Four-year-old camper: Do you got a car?
14-year-old counselor: Uh, I can’t drive.
Four-year-old camper: So does your mom bring you here?!
14-year-old counselor: Yeah. I mean, I live in El Cerrito.
Four-year-old camper: But does that mean you live with your mom or something? Aren’t you in college?!
14-year-old counselor: Well, the truth is my license was revoked after I ran over those aliens. The FBI was angry because they needed to talk to them about the plans for the United States embassy on Mars, but it has to be kept hush-hush since the North Koreans may be on to them.
Four-year-old camper: Ohhh…
–California
Guy on cell: That was the first time I shit my pants in a while!
–Salem, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Laura Wilson
Man: In Europe, all little children are naked.
–Bethany Beach, Delaware
Overheard by: I heard about that
Gay boy 1: No! I will not tell people you have herpes when you don't!
Gay boy 2: Fine, whatever! Only a real friend would, anyway!
–Boca Raton, Florida
Overheard by: Michael
Man on cell: Well, I didn’t explicitly tell him to kill himself…
–Santa Cruz Boardwalk, California
Knife-scarred muscle man: Naw, man, that’s it — I’m done. I’m just gonna go home and play checkers and hopefully win. If not, I’m gonna play Scrabble and cheat! I just bought a new thesaurus.
–Coney Island, New York
Overheard by: donovan
Girl #1: I mean, I could force a relationship right now. I just don’t want to.
Girl #2: Uh-huh.
Girl #1: We really don’t have that much in common.
Girl #2: Uh-huh.
–Dewey Beach, Rehoboth, Delaware
Overheard by: Alaina
Chick #1: So, what happened to you last night?
Chick #2: Um, I died.
–The Coffeehouse, Manteo, North Carolina
Guy: So how’s Bob?
Girl: He’s okay. They went in and found the tumor and took it out. They still need to do a biopsy to see what it is, but they think they got it all.
Guy: Yeah, but how is he?
Girl: He says he’s got a big headache.
Guy: Well, yeah, of course he’s got a headache!
Girl: Yeah, huh? The guy did just have brain surgery. But you know Bob. He was back in business on Friday, still selling herb, but now he’s got a patch on his head. “We gotta get back to normal!”
Guy: That’s a New York Jew for you.
Girl: You said it, not me.
–Coney Island, New York
Overheard by: Sunny Reiser
