Chick #1: So, what happened to you last night?
Chick #2: Um, I died.
–The Coffeehouse, Manteo, North Carolina
Chick #1: So, what happened to you last night?
Chick #2: Um, I died.
–The Coffeehouse, Manteo, North Carolina
Guy: So how’s Bob?
Girl: He’s okay. They went in and found the tumor and took it out. They still need to do a biopsy to see what it is, but they think they got it all.
Guy: Yeah, but how is he?
Girl: He says he’s got a big headache.
Guy: Well, yeah, of course he’s got a headache!
Girl: Yeah, huh? The guy did just have brain surgery. But you know Bob. He was back in business on Friday, still selling herb, but now he’s got a patch on his head. “We gotta get back to normal!”
Guy: That’s a New York Jew for you.
Girl: You said it, not me.
–Coney Island, New York
Overheard by: Sunny Reiser
Six-year-old boy: I had to take a second year of kindergarten.
Dad: Just like your old man.
–Point Lookout Beach, Long Island, New York
Overheard by: PrairieSquid
Lady on cell: Hello? I need to get a spare tire put on… Yes, the BMW — my son’s car. Well, I’m not actually sure what tire it is. See, my son’s the one with the flat. He’s a few blocks from home, and he has his own AAA number, but he said he called and he got the automated menu, and he got confused. He’s only 20, and– [pause, then] –Yes, I guess I do coddle him…
–Malibu, California
Overheard by: Danielle
Middle-aged woman to friend: Well, she had to get it long before she could use it.
–Bethany Beach, Delaware
Overheard by: Tim Berzins
20-ish guy: I looked over at Sharon and didn’t think she had any bottoms on. Then a wave lifted up her stomach, and I saw that she did.
–Old Lyme, Connecticut
Overheard by: Ann
Dude #1: You know how your girlfriend does that thing with her tongue?
Dude #2: I’ve talked to her about that.
–St. Augustine, Florida
Crazy lady: I told you, I don’t want to be the goddamn queen of Russia.
–Haystack Rock, Oregon
Overheard by: Luke
Native man: This is where Hawaiians come to celebrate a child’s first birthday with a luau. All the family comes to have a three-day party by the ocean.
Tourist: How did that get started?
Native man: To protect the babies from the missionaries who loved to eat plump Hawaiian babies.
Tourist, shocked: That wasn’t in my tour book.
Native man: It’s something we keep quiet to protect the white missionaries.
–Kohala, Hawaii
Overheard by: BLondie
Dude: … So I’m, like, sitting there and she just keeps staring at me! So you know what I did? I threw my pizza crust at her forehead… And she started to bleed! I mean, that was some hard pizza crust, man! And you know what did said? Nothing! She just kept staring!
–Dewey Beach, Delaware
