Southern belle: If I had gotten on that boat, I would have met the man of my dreams. We would have had an amazing time and I would have fallen madly in love. Then I'd go back to Arkansas and he'd forget about me, just like all the rest of them.
Friend: Yeah… Need a smoke?
Southern belle: Yes! Do you have menthol? I love menthol.
–Fort Myers Beach, Florida
60-something naked man: Yeah, but he was born at a very young age too.
–Sunny Isles, Florida
Overheard by: Kris
Blonde, very loudly: You know, if I was a guy, these bikini bottoms would really cut into my balls!
–Key West, Florida
Overheard by: Anne
Anorexic JAP #1: You look really good in that new swimsuit.
Anorexic JAP #2: I wish I could say the same to you, but you look a little pugdy around the hips.
Anorexic JAP #1: Why don’t you just do what I did? Lie.
–Palm Beach, Florida
Overheard by: JAP
Blonde: Why is the water so much saltier on this coast? They really need to stop putting all their extra salt in the water.
Dude: Extra salt?
Blonde: Yeah, isn’t that what the government does — just dumps the barrels of extra salt into the water?
–Daytona Beach, Florida
Overheard by: Kristin
Guy: And something else I’ve thought about: what happened to God in between the Old and New Testaments? He went from vengeful to merciful. It just doesn’t make sense.
Girl: He found God.
–Jacksonville Beach, Florida
Old lady looking at 30-something lady with a pot belly: Oh, how nice! How far along are you?
30-something lady: I beg ya pardon?
Old lady, smiling: Well, when are you due honey? The baby!
30-something lady: I'm not pregnant! This is how I look!
–South Beach, Miami, Florida
Concerned granny: You have to get a fruit and a vegetable.
Porky grandson: Candy corn is a vegetable!
–Buffet Restaurant, Tampa, Florida
Overheard by: Sandy Paws
White girl to black friend: Why do black people wear colored skinny jeans?
Black girl: So when it's dark you can see them.
–Tampa, Florida
Customer: Hey, my car is making a funny noise.
Clerk: What did it sound like?
Customer: Vrummm-clunk.
Clerk: How did it go, again?
Customer: Vrummm-clunk.
Clerk: I didn’t quite get that — one more time?
Customer: Vrummm-clunk! Vrummm-clunk! Vrummm-clunk!
Clerk: Hahahaha!
Customer: What?
–AutoZone, Crestview, Florida
