Florida

For Chubby Girls, Love Is a Battlefield

[Guy on Harley drives by with Pat Benatar’s “Love Is a Battlefield” blasting.]Chubby girl #1: What the hell?
Chubby girl #2: That was the most amazing thing I’ve ever seen.

–Bookfair, St. Petersburg, Florida

Overheard by: Jamie

Because Then Who Would Guard Our Ice Cream While We Stole New Towels?

Girl: I hope nobody stole our towels while we were stealing ice cream.

–Melbourne Beach, Florida

Overheard by: Ali and Livi

Critics Rave, "The Little Mersavior Is a Rollicking, Non-Canonical Laugh Riot"

Little girl to mom: The seaweed tickles! It's like Baby Jesus is underwater, tickling my feet himself!

–Vero Beach, Florida

Overheard by: Incredulous

Baywatch Uncensored

Woman: Can I rent a beach chair?
Lifeguard (just off duty on the last day of the season): Fuck you, dumb cunt.

–Panama City Beach, Florida

Ms. Sarandon Has Some 'Splainin' to Do

60-something woman: So, you know Susan?
60-something friend: Oh gosh, yes! We've been to all her nude parties!

–Anna Maria Island, Florida

Overheard by: Too much information

It's Never Too Early for Internet Porn

Little boy: Hey! What’s your name?

Little girl walking along shore doesn’t look at him.

Little boy: Hey! What’s your name?!

Little girl looks at boy but continues walking.

Little boy: What’s your name?! What’s your naaaaame?!
Mother of girl: It’s Jade.

Mother whispers to girl and points in boy’s direction, but girl continues walking in other direction.

Surfer dude: Yeah, kid, you can only expect more of that as you get older.

–Pomano Beach, Florida

Hopefully Only Sorrows Will Be Drowned Today.

Mother to five-year-old son: If anything happens get help from a lifeguard. Mommy's gonna be at the bar.

–Blizzard Beach, Disney World, Florida

A Place and a Mental Defect

Woman #1: Is that a dead seal in the water?
Woman #2: Are you Canadian or just stupid?
Woman #1: I’m Canadian.

–Key West, Florida

Overheard by: uarerude

Two Women and a Cat, and He Thinks They're Straight?

Buff dude: Hey, sexy ladies, what’s up?
Girl #1: Not much, just out with my friend and our cat.
Buff dude: You have a cat on the beach?
Girl #2: Of course! People can bring their dogs, can’t they?
Buff dude: Hey, can I pet your pussy?

–St. Petersburg Beach, Florida

Two Women and a Cat, and He Thinks They're Straight?

Buff dude: Hey, sexy ladies, what’s up?
Girl #1: Not much, just out with my friend and our cat.
Buff dude: You have a cat on the beach?
Girl #2: Of course! People can bring their dogs, can’t they?
Buff dude: Hey, can I pet your pussy?

–St. Petersburg Beach, Florida

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