Chick: Nothing is getting in my ass!
Dude: Not even a pinky?
Chick: Not even a pinky!

–Huntington Beach, California

(built dude in super-tight white spandex shorts roller blades past a group of hipsters on bicycles)
Biking ironic hipster to girlfriend: Woah. Did you just see that sweet penis?

–North Avenue Beach, Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: Kara Lang

Bimbette to boyfriend: So yeah, I like, went to Cabo over spring break, and there were like Mexicans everywhere! Yeah, it was horrible.


Elderly man, taking picture of his wife on the beach: You look like you're having an orgasm!
Wife: How would you know?

–Pass-A-Grille Beach, Florida

Overheard by: The girl who almost ended up in the picture.

20-something man: Those seagulls sound like your orgasm!
Girlfriend, gesturing at teenagers: Shh! There are little girls over there!


Drunk New Year’s reveller, at 5 AM: Morning has broken, like the first…
Girlfriend: Shut up!

–Bondi Beach, Australia

Overheard by: GGary

Honeymooning hubby: Honey, do you want a drink?
Absentminded wifey, reading: Sure.
Honeymooning hubby: Do you want a sandwich?
Absentminded wifey: Whatever.
Honeymooning hubby, exasperated: Will you give me a massage?
Absentminded wifey: Whatever.
Attractive blonde stranger: I’ll give you a massage, hottie.
Absentminded wifey, looking up from her book: Back off, he’s mine [she goes back to her book].
Honeymooning hubby, whispering to blonde: So… Can I meet you later, then?

–Hilton Head, South Carolina

Overheard by: eager ears

Nagging wife on bicycle to defeated downtrodden husband on bicycle: The more I talk to you, the more my stomach is getting aggravated… 'cause you're an asshole!

–South Beach Boardwalk, New York

Overheard by: J9 and G-Rod

Wifey: I mean, just stop staring at her vagina!

–Cedar Beach, West Islip, Long Island

Overheard by: Indecent Exposure?

Wife: Do you want any sauce?
Husband: No, just ketchup for my fries.
Wife: Ketchup *is* a sauce!
Husband: No, tartar sauce is a sauce. Ketchup is just ketchup.

–Tampa, Florida

Overheard by: ISPgypsy