Golden girl: Excuse me, bartender!
(harried bartender grunts at her)
Golden girl: Bartender, can I just have an ice cube please?
(harried bartender fills a cup with ice cubes and slams it down in front of her)
Golder girl: What am I supposed to do with all of these? I just wanted one to put in my bra!
–Colony Hotel, Delray Beach, Florida
Overheard by: Becka Dash
Little Miss Texas slathering on more baby oil: I don’t know why I’m gettin’ all these little wrinkles around my eyes, do y’all?
–Waikiki Beach, Hawaii
Girl #1: I think you might be ridiculous.
Girl #2: Look who’s talking.
Girl #1: See, you’re not normally ridiculous. On the other hand, I am always ridiculous. So why should you expect any different from me?
Girl #2: I shouldn’t. I’m sorry.
–#6 Parking Lot, Jones Beach, New York
Girl #1, looking at fake sex pills: You should get him this one: “One Large Dose of Lovin’.”
Girl #2: Bitch, it’s going to take more than some candy to get him to fuck me!
–Novelty shop, Fort Lauderdale, Florida
Overheard by: Ava
Blonde: If you could be any flavor of ice cream, what would you be?
Redhead: Um…
Blonde: Well, you are what you eat. You can be monkey fudge!
Redhead: What?!
Blonde: Oh, wait, I mean Chunky Monkey. I’m making fun of your husband!
Redhead: You know, I’m the one drinking here.
Blonde: If you were any hat, what would you be?
Redhead: No.
–Huntington Beach, California
Overheard by: Jenn
Spin-doctor chick: Well, really I’ve only slept with three guys.
Realistic chick: Ha! It’s been way more than that. After your last year in college, you’d have to be up to six.
Spin-doctor chick: Yeah, but two of them were really bad and one was too drunk to finish, so those three don’t count.
–Nantucket, Massachusetts
Overheard by: silently smirking
Blonde: So can you, like, get AIDS from kissing?
Guido friend: I don’t know. I think you have to share your DNA to get it.
Blonde: So, do most guys have DNA?
–Seaside Heights, New Jersey
Overheard by:
Freshman bikini girl #1: College classes are much more lame than I thought they would be.
Freshman bikini girl #2: Yeah. I mean, who cares about, like, the difference between Chinese and Japanese?
Freshman bikini girl #1: Yeah! Or algebra! Like anyone even cares!
Freshman bikini girl #2: Do you have more baby oil?
–Cocoa Beach, Florida
Overheard by: a professor who specializes in Asian cultures
