Dude #1: I bet I can make Jill* show us her cooter right here on the beach.
Dude #2: No way.
Dude #1: Twenty bucks says I can.
Dude #2: You’re on.
Dude #1: Hey, Jill, I hear you have a tattoo above your vagina that says ‘Come on in.’
Jill: What?! What kind of skank do you think I am?
Dude #1: Well, I don’t. That’s what I heard.
Jill: Okay, I’ll show you when we get back to the room.
Dude #1: You’ll forget. Do it now. No one’s watching. [Jill lowers her bikini bottom.] I’m going to tell that person to stop telling lies about you.

–Destin, Florida

Sunbather to her gal pals: Do you think those guys know that Rick has slept with each of us?

–Lewes, Delaware

Overheard by: Graz

Bimbette: My nipples are hard.

–Wasaga Beach, Ontario, Canadia

Brunette: When's your anniversary?
Blonde: May.
Brunette: Oh, today?
Blonde: No, May.
Brunette: Oh, mine too.
Blond: When's your anniversary?
Brunette: May.

–Rockaway Beach, New York

Girl #1: Oh my god, look at all the palm trees!
Girl #2: Shhh! Don’t say ‘papis’!
Girl #1: What? Cock tease?

–San Juan, Puerto Rico

Overheard by: jersey represent

Bimbette announcer during Miss Hampton Beach pageant: … And now our auditor will talibate the results…

–Hampton Beach, New Hampshire

Overheard by: Annette

Preppy college girl: I don’t know — I think it would be kind of glamorous to be poor!

–Pennfield Beach, Connecticut

Overheard by: Quirky Corky

Spring breaker bimbette #1, about ordering drinks: And get Coco Rico, and Sex on the Beach…
Spring breaker bimbette #2, interrupting: Wait, isn't there also something called Sex in the Basement?

–Tamarindo, Costa Rica

Overheard by: one of them spoke decent Spanish, at least

Girl #1: We can go see the Kula botanical gardens.
Girl #2: Where on the island is it?
Girl #1, reading guidebook section: It’s in flora and fauna — I don’t know where that is.
Girl #2: Um… Flora and fauna means plants and animals, it isn’t a place on the map.
Girl #1: Well, I don’t speak Hawaiian so how was I supposed to know?

–Kihei, Maui, Hawaii

Overheard by: ispeakhawaiian

Blonde #1: Are you wearing that sunscreen that tastes good?
Blonde #2: What?
Blonde #1: Your sunscreen smells really good. Is it the kind that tastes good?
Blonde #2: How do you know how sunscreen tastes?
Blonde #1: Oh, I’ll tell you later.

–Natural Bridges, Santa Cruz, California

Overheard by: just trying to get a tan