Teen #1 looking down at bikini top: [Sighs] I wish my boobs were bigger. I can’t wait until one day when I’m pregnant — then they’ll grow.
Teen #2: Why don’t you go on birth control? That made Jen’s* and Michelle’s* get a whole cup bigger.
Teen #3: Yeah, Kelly’s*, too.
Teen #1: Really?! Oh, man! I’m gonna go on birth control and get knocked up. Then they’d be huge!
–Long Beach, New York
Overheard by: CAT
Blonde, very loudly: You know, if I was a guy, these bikini bottoms would really cut into my balls!
–Key West, Florida
Overheard by: Anne
Blonde: Why is the water so much saltier on this coast? They really need to stop putting all their extra salt in the water.
Dude: Extra salt?
Blonde: Yeah, isn’t that what the government does — just dumps the barrels of extra salt into the water?
–Daytona Beach, Florida
Overheard by: Kristin
Blonde: Oh my god, I’ve been watching ‘Shark Week’ on TV, and this guy got his hand bitten off. It was crazy! It was a show about survivors, and they showed the scars and everything!
Brunette: That is crazy. I don’t know how I’d live without my hands. I’d rather have the shark bite off my arm.
–Virginia Beach, Virginia
Overheard by: Steve
Brunette teen: Last time I was here with Tony, we boned. He told me it was fun and romantic and everyone has to have sex on the beach once in their lives. It was the worst. I found sand in my ass for, like, two weeks.
Blonde teen: Ugh, I hate when that happens.
Brunette teen: What?
Blonde teen: It’s a long story, but it involves a sand box.
–Field 6, Jones Beach, New York
Drunk man: [Bumps into girl and puts his hand around her to move her aside.] Sorry.
Girl: Eww! You’re dirty!
Drunk man: C’mon, you know you like it!
Girl: Eww! [Drunk man walks away.] Call me!!
–Manhattan Beach, California
Overheard by: Snoog
Girl #1, about lyrics to song: Who grows weed in their G-string?
Girl #2: That’s ‘hydroponics,’ but I suppose it might be pretty wet down there. It’s not impossible.
–Finucane Island, Australia
Bimbette tourist #1, about sea lions play-fighting: Oh my god, look at those seals! That big one just, like, knocked the smaller one off the wood thing!
Bimbette tourist #2: That is so mean. I hope the little one, like, kicks his ass in the end.
Local: They’re just play-fighting. It’s a show of dominance.
Bimbette tourist #1: But he pushed him off! He so wasn’t kidding. I could tell.
Bimbette tourist #2: Seriously. God, how can you just excuse him acting like that? Not cool.
Local, muttering: Fucking tourists…
–Fisherman’s Wharf, San Francisco, California
Overheard by: an amused local
Blonde: Hey, can you look at my butt? Do I have blood on my butt?
Guy: Uh, what?
Blonde: I have my period — I just want to make sure I don’t have blood on my butt.
Guy: What? Ew.
–Venice Beach, California
Overheard by: Sarah
Teen girl #1: Remember when Paul and Diane had sex at the beach last year?
Teen girl #2: Yeah, that shit’s so gross. Have you seen this water?
Teen girl #1: Yeah, there’s so much nasty shit in here.
Teen girl #2: That’s why I’ll only have sex at Jones — it’s much cleaner.
Teen girl #1: Def.
–Rockaway, New York
Overheard by: A. D.
