Meatheads

It's Good That You Both Are Planning Ahead For Your Futures as Vagrants

Meathead: God, there are an awful lot of bums here.
Ditzy girl: I know. But think about it, being a bum in San Diego is totally smart. It’s never cold, and they can just sleep on the beach, and the church around the corner from my house feeds them for free every day. They’ve got it made!
Meathead: Totally. Being a bum here must rock. If I ever need to, I’m gonna be a bum here.
Ditzy girl: I know. I don’t know why people would be bums anywhere else. I mean, how stupid. If you’re gonna be homeless, do it in San Diego. Duh.

–Pacific Beach, San Diego, California

Overheard by: American Goods

He Was Even Female for About a Month in 2004

Teen meathead #1: What are you?
Teen meathead #2: 100% Italian.
Teen meathead #1: Oh, really? That's mad cool.
Teen meathead #2: Yeah, but my brother is all different things–he's like Jewish and Irish and stuff.

–Lido Beach West, Long Island, New York

Overheard by: ally

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad: 'Is That on the Table? Why Wasn't I Informed?!'

Big jock: We just need to give America back to the Muslims.

–Barceloneta Beach, Barcelona, Spain

Overheard by: Confesed Passerby

A Cell Phone Is Like a Woman: If It's Not Turned On, It Stays Dry

Wrestler #1: The other day I went in the water, and I forgot my cell phone was in my pocket. It doesn’t work anymore.
Wrestler #2: Was it on?
Wrestler #1: Yes.
Wrestler #2: Well, you should have turned it off before you went in!

–The Black Sea

What If I Asked to Lick Your Ass?

Buff guy, after ordering an extra “floater” shot on top of his strawberry daiquiri: Is ordering that gay?
Friend: Not any gayer than drinking a daiquiri.

–Newport Beach, Newport, Rhode Island

Overheard by: ThoseGuys

Um, Actually, It's Yours

Meathead: I’m sick of drama, and I’m sick of people coming down and crashing at my beach house. It’s so annoying when people just use my stuff. Can I have some of your water?

–Wildwood, New Jersey

Overheard by: Adam Nathan

Point Taken

Meathead: Dude! Your trunks, they're too short.
Hot dude wearing 80s trunks: Dude! This is America, I can wear whatever I want.
Meathead: This is not America. This is New Jersey!

–Jersey Shore, New Jersey

I'd Never Forgive Myself If They Dented a Lexus

Muscle guy: Damn, that Lexus just hit that kid on a bike in front of Circle Pizza!
Blonde woman: Wait what? Was it one of mine?
Muscle guy: No, yours are jumping off the bridge.
Blonde woman: Oh, thank god.

–St Avalon, New Jersey

Overheard by: Himbo

Where Does Being a Member of an Obsolete Sub-Culture Rank?

Jock #1: So I heard about this champion high school wrestler on Real Sports who has no legs.
Jock #2: That’s awesome. Good for him. I never won a championship in high school.
Punk, walking by: You know what’s better then being a state championship wrestler with no legs?
Both jocks: What?
Punk: Having legs!

–Pearl Street, Beach Haven, New Jersey

Overheard by: andrew dean

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