Teenage girl: I can't wait to get a tattoo on my lower back.
Tween boy #1: Why would you want a tattoo there? How are you going to be able to see it?
Tween boy #2: It's not for her, stupid, it's for the dudes she lets do her in the butt doggy-style.

–St. Simon's Island, Georgia

Overheard by: John

Tiny mullet kid: Spank the hiney! Spank the hiney!
Surfer passerby: Spank the hiney? Awesome!

–Robert Moses Beach, New York

Girl #1: It was really awkward with him last night, he kept putting his hand in his back pocket and down the back of his jeans.
Girl #2: Maybe he had an itch on his ass?
Girl #1: It was worse then that: he started rubbing his ass on the bar stool.

–Jones Beach, Long Island, New York

Girl on bike to family on bikes, loudly: I said my arse hurts and he said “mine doesn't, I'm good at taking it!”

–Rottnest Island, Western Australia

Overheard by: Victoria

Burger eater to another: I ate so much salad yesterday I've got lettuce confetti flying out of my butt.

–Kailua-Kona, Hawaii

Overheard by: check please!

Lady in long line for bathroom: Why you wanna change in there when you got sand up your ass?

–Boardwalk, Coney Island, New York

Little boy to mom: Don’t touch me! Only Daddy can touch me. [Mom picks boy up.] I’m going to make Daddy spank you right on your bottom!

–Virginia Beach, Virginia

Mom to young son sliding down wooden handrail: Charlie! Did someone get a splinter in his butt?

–Melbourne Beach, Florida

Overheard by: Sarabeth and Jesse

Beach guy to bikini girl: I'd bend over, but my arse hurts too much.

–Sydney, Australia

Overheard by: Felicity

Quick-walking woman leaving voice mail: Hey, it’s me. I need you to call me as soon as you get this. I have never wanted to chop someone’s dick off as much I as I do right now. He is a low-down lying piece of shit, and I hope he fucking dies. I mean, a fucking tractor-trailer could run his fucking sonofabitch ass over and I would be perfectly fine. Okay, talk to you soon, I love you!

–Myrtle Beach, South Carolina