50-something woman: My pee was sort of yellowish today!
Younger friend: (nods earnestly)

–Mission Valley, San Diego, California

Overheard by: Thank Goodness!

20-Something woman, walking on the beach with group of people: I’ll catch up with you. I have to go to the bathroom.

She proceeds to walk into the ocean.

–Ocean City, Maryland

Overheard by: I’m not swimming in that

Girl: I think I'm horny… Maybe I just have to pee.
Friend: Go pee, then get back to me.

–San Diego, California

Four-year-old girl squatting over sand castle: Look, Mommy, I’m peeing! Look, Mommy, it’s a toilet!

–Isle of Palms, South Carolina

Suburban tourist #1: Remember that time when I threw the cat out in the snow and that guy was staring at me?
Suburban tourist #2: And then John got christened by the cat.
Suburban tourist #1: Yeah, I don't think that cat had peed in six months. It was like a fire hose.
Wife: That John and his temper…

–All Day Breakfast, Kennebunkport, Maine

Overheard by: Amused Locals

White chick with dreads: Yeah, I used to pee on my best friend all the time… Well, I guess it was really just one time, but we peed on each other. I was sitting on her lap and I was laughing really hard, and I was like, ‘Oh I have to pee,’ but then I thought it’d be even funnier, so I just let it go. Later she tackled me in the water and peed on me. It was kinda nice — like, really warm.

–Pickerel Lake, Michigan

Overheard by: Maude Lynne

Girl in bathroom stall: Eww, the pee on this seat is so bad I can't even wipe it up!
Friend: So don't sit on it.
Girl: I know, but I kinda wanted to poop…gotta do the lean, and it's gonna splash. Oh, wait, hmmmm… It's not there after all! It was a ghost poop.

–Rocks Off Concert Cruise, New York

Mom to little boy: You do not pee on somebody unless they ask you to!

–Ocean Isle Beach, North Carolina

Overheard by: mad-the-hatter

Man outside single bathroom door: Wolf breath, what are you doing in there?
Woman, from inside bathroom: What the fuck do you think I'm doing in here? What the fuck do you do in the bathroom?
Man outside bathroom: Don't ask questions you don't want the answers to.

–Coney Island, New York

Overheard by: Lisa Mavinelli

Teen girl #1: I can’t believe people pee in the ocean — it’s so gross.
Teen girl #2: I know, right!
Teen girl #1: Yeah, I only pee in swimming pools. It’s cleaner.

–Venice Beach, California

Overheard by: I prefer the toilet