Chick: I can’t stand it when people smoke at the beach. It’s such a wrong thing to do in a place like this.
Dude: Smoking at the beach is like killing someone at a birthday party.

–Long Beach, California

Overheard by: Peter

Girl (pointing to sign on lifeguard tower): Hah! I thought that said “Dying is dangerous and prohibited” for a sec.
Guy: You're crazy. It says “diving!”
Girl: (pause) I know. But.. oh, whatever.
Lifeguard: Yes–we have a very strict policy… No dying!

–Corona Del Mar Beach, California

Overheard by: Dee

Guy selling beer: Ladies, if your man won't buy you a beer he ain't gonna buy you anything else!
Same guy selling beer, an hour later: If you don't drink beer, you're gonna die!

–Brighton Beach, New York

Overheard by: Ramen

Girl to younger boy: You’re going to be a real lady killer when you’re older.
Younger boy: I’ll kill men, too. I don’t care.

–Ocean City, Maryland

Overheard by: Brittney

Little kid to mom, as storm is coming: If thunder claps while you're in the water, you're gonna die!

–Pawley's Island, South Carolina

Overheard by: Running for Cover

Mother, holding one son in the ocean and calling another on shore: See? The water's fantastic. You have nothing to worry about.
Four-year-old son, crying: I don't want to die here!

–Palm Beach, Aruba

Man, carrying two hands full of knives: Knives for sale! Knives for sale! 100 dollars! Getting tired of your brother, your cousin, your mother-in-law? Knives for sale! You feeling suicidal? Knives! Knives for sale! 100 dollars!

–Montego Bay, Jamaica

Overheard by: Elle

Delighted five-year-old: Mommy! Mommy! A fish!
Mom: What is it?
Delighted five-year-old: A fish! In the water!
Mom: Oh, you see a fish? Is he swimmin’?
Delighted five-year-old: No! He’s dead!

–Clove Lake Park, Staten Island

Woman #1: I once saw my neighbor being taken out of his house in a coroner’s bag.
Woman #2: Why?
Woman #1: Because he was dead.

–Manhattan Beach, California

Little boy wearing rash guard: Mom, that little boy isn't wearing a shirt.
Mom: Mmm-huh.
Little boy: Why doesn't he have to wear a shirt?
Mom: Because his mom doesn't love him, that's why. He'll get skin cancer and die.

–Salisbury Beach, Massachusetts