Your What?

Woman standing waist-deep in water: My labia has atrophied.

–Crescent Lake, Washington

Overheard by: The water really was that cold.

Randy Found Her Unresponsive, Cowlike Demeanor Strangely Arousing

Fat dude on awkward first date: Yeah, so that’s why I didn’t put ‘Let’s meet at Starbucks’ in my ad. ‘Let’s have a beer on the beach,’ you know?
Obese chick: Mmm-hmmm.
Fat dude: So… You don’t drink?
Obese chick: Hm-mmm.
Fat dude: So, it’s fair to say you have a problem with alcohol.
Obese chick: I don’t have a problem with it.
Fat dude, after long pause: So, what do you do? I mean, what other hobbies do you have?
Obese chick: I chew a lot of gum.

–Golden Gardens Park, Seattle, Washington

Overheard by: Brooke

Oh, Right, the Money and the 10-inch Cock

Chick on cell: Yeah, don’t you wash your hands after you go to the bathroom? Ewww, why am I dating you?

–Seattle, Washington

Overheard by: hannie bananie

I Concur! Can You Fathom or Even Credit His Total Aphasia?

Teen #1: So he’s like, “nuh uh,” and I’m like, “uh huh,” and he’s like, “nuh uh,” and I’m like, “um… uh huh,” and he’s like, “nuh uh.“
Teen #2: No way!
Teen #1: Way.

–Golden Gardens, Seattle, Washington

Overheard by: Translater Please!

In Paradise the Garbage Men Will Have Doctorates

30-Something business dude: I’ve traveled a lot, man, and I’ve been to Costa Rica, and there are no Indians there. Like, people are educated, and there are people with Master’s degrees driving taxi cabs and stuff!

–Golden Gardens, Seattle, Washington

Overheard by: Be-deez nuts

Or “Horseshoe Crabs Aren’t Fuckbuddies”

Girl to friend: Swimming without lifeguards is awesome. There’s nobody to say, “hey, no splash fights”, or “you can’t have that fifth of vodka in the water!”

–Madison Beach, Seattle, Washington

Overheard by: Also Drinking

Gonna Be Everybody’s Naptime

Hipster teen on cell: No, dude, I’m not sober. I’m totally drunk and I have to babysit in less than an hour!

–Alki Beach, Seattle, Washington

Oh! Lance, You’re.…Not What I’d Been Led To Expect

Girl #1: Does Lance have a big peepee?
Girl #2: Yes, all the girls in town know! Ask his ex Barb.

–Kirkland, Washington

Overheard by: mike hunt

…I’m Sally, by the Way.

Girl to boy: Look at the sea otters! So romantic! …touch my breasts.

–Tacoma, Washington

From Etymology to Racism in One Easy Step

Rich lady with yappy dog: Well, ‘Caucasian’ has ‘Asian’ in it. Then again, there’s a ‘turd’ in every ‘Saturday.’