Father to daughter, while mother brushes hair: Doesn't that hurt?
Daughter: Nope, I have a strong scallop.
Father: What does that mean? Your head is not made of vegetables!
Mother: What? Vegetables? That's “scallions,” you idiot! And your head is not a scallop, it's a scalp… you're both idiots! (laughs hysterically)
–Robert Moses, Long Island, New York
Overheard by: Sugardoll
Girl: So, out of all the people in this circle, who have you been sexually involved with?
Queer: Does pecking count?
Girl: Yes.
Queer points at everyone.
Girl 1: You man-whore! So, if pecking doesn’t count, who have you done anything with?
Queer: Everyone except her.
Girl: So you’re still a whore.
–Centennial Beach, British Columbia, Canadia
Overheard by: shutterbug
Girl: Do you hipsters wear glasses?
Boy: Only if it's not necessary.
–Coney Island, New York
Overheard by: Paperback Writer
Little brother: Aren't you glad we watched Shark Week when we were in North Carolina and not like, last night?
Big brother (sarcastically): Yeah. Great. Because sharks never come here.
Little brother: Well, at least it's not Florida. Or South Africa.
–Avon, New Jersey
Boy #1: You know what show I like?
Boy #2: What?
Boy #1: Six Feet Under. It's great, minus all that homosexual shit.
Boy #2: Yeah, for real.
–Belmar, New Jersey
Girl #1: Whenever I go to Europe I just say I'm Canadian and they don't get weird like they do if you say you're American.
Girl #2: No way I'm claiming to be Canadian! Have you talked to those people?
–Austin, Texas
Sober girl: You have no idea what’s going on!
Drunk blonde: Yes I do! I am still totally relevant to what is going on!
Sober girl: Wait, what?
Drunk blonde: Oh, relevant of! Relevant of what is going on!… Aren’t these shoes sexy?
–Santa Barbara, California
Reporter: Hey girls, do you have anything you want to say to the camera?
Drunk girl #1: Hi, mum… I’m not that drunk…
Drunk girl #2: And I’m still a virgin!
–Schoolies Week, Gold Coast, Australia
Girl #1: Hey! I'm suprised you're even alive after last night!
Girl #2: Barely…and if Sharon realizes that there is a two-hour period where she doesn't know where Aaron and I were, Rikki's gonna be really mad… She's already mad and she has no idea what happened.
Girl #1: What? Why, what the hell happened when I went to bed?
Girl #2: Well, Sharon thinks Aaron and I were just cuddling since it was such a small bed we were sharing and that I just felt bad that he had to sleep on the floor, but Rikki is really convinced we hooked up.
Girl #1: Well, did you?
Girl #2: Obviously, but we were in Dan's room instead, so she doesn't even know what she's talking about… Wait, you're not mad I hooked up with him, are you?
Girl #1: God, no! I'm proud that you managed to do it in a cottage that small and no one knew! I was against your wall and I had no idea! High five!
–Wasaga Beach, Canadia
Overheard by: I'm Proud Too
