It's All Gone Downhill Since the Tooth Fairy Started Subcontracting

Lifeguard: What happened to your toenail?
Little boy: A monster carried it off a while ago. Around kindergarten, I think.

–Long Beach, California

Overheard by: Super Sexy Woman

Posted on August 27, 2022
Body parts, California, Kids, Lifeguards, Questions, Weirdness

He Also Responds to 'Hey, Chink!', Though Not in the Same Way

Transmitted over lifeguard radio: We have a woman here reporting a lost man. Asian, approximately 40 years old, responds to the name ‘Lucky T.’

–Riis Park, New York

Posted on August 21, 2022
Lifeguards, Names, New York, Physical Appearance, Race

…I Swear It Was a Valid CPR Technique!

Lifeguard to group of other lifeguards, as rescued 14-year-old swimmer walks away: Did anyone notice all her hickies?

–North Bondi, Australia

Overheard by: Ggary

Posted on July 15, 2022
Australia, Body parts, Lifeguards, Physical Appearance, Sensory Experiences

Decades of Watching the Weather Channel Has Completely Atrophied Her Weather Sense

Woman: I think I just heard thunder… do you think it’s gonna rain soon?
Lifeguard, looking into clear sky: Mmm… yeah. You might want to leave soon. It’s probably gonna rain any minute now.
Woman: Oh, OK. Hey, kids! Let’s go! It looks like it’s gonna rain!

–Caroga Lake, New York

Overheard by: Marc Wiley

Posted on July 10, 2022
Family, Ladies, Lifeguards, New York, Stupidity, Weather

Pfff! I Saw That Show — It's All 'You Know What the Difference Between Aquatic and Land Mammals Is?'

Tourist lady: Do you know when the dolphin show is?
Lifeguard: Uh, yeah, I think the truck just came with all the dolphins in it… should be in about half an hour.
Tourist lady: Oh, great! Thank you.

–Bethany Beach, Delaware

Overheard by: Laughing Local

Posted on May 9, 2022
Animals, Default, Delaware, Idiots, Ladies, Lifeguards, Questions, Stupidity, Time, Tourists

We Also Would Have Accepted: "…But It Just Got Better"

Lifeguard: Yo! The beach ain't no good! I said the beach ain't no good today! (sees attractive woman walking toward the beach) Hey there, listen, the beach isn't good today, okay?

–Coney Island, New York

Overheard by: Nikki

Posted on October 27, 2021
Advice, Lifeguards, Nature, New York, Swimming, Words

Of Course, I Can Go Swimming Only Under Very Special Circumstances, So It's a Tradeoff

Kid: Yo, that chair’s sweet! How come you get to sit in that big chair? I wanna get one of them.
Lifeguard: Sorry. I just got here really early this morning before all these good chairs were taken.

–Riis Park, Rockaway, New York