Transmitted over lifeguard radio: We have a woman here reporting a lost man. Asian, approximately 40 years old, responds to the name ‘Lucky T.’

–Riis Park, New York

Lifeguard to group of other lifeguards, as rescued 14-year-old swimmer walks away: Did anyone notice all her hickies?

–North Bondi, Australia

Overheard by: Ggary

Woman: I think I just heard thunder… do you think it’s gonna rain soon?
Lifeguard, looking into clear sky: Mmm… yeah. You might want to leave soon. It’s probably gonna rain any minute now.
Woman: Oh, OK. Hey, kids! Let’s go! It looks like it’s gonna rain!

–Caroga Lake, New York

Overheard by: Marc Wiley

Tourist lady: Do you know when the dolphin show is?
Lifeguard: Uh, yeah, I think the truck just came with all the dolphins in it… should be in about half an hour.
Tourist lady: Oh, great! Thank you.

–Bethany Beach, Delaware

Overheard by: Laughing Local

Lifeguard: Yo! The beach ain't no good! I said the beach ain't no good today! (sees attractive woman walking toward the beach) Hey there, listen, the beach isn't good today, okay?

–Coney Island, New York

Overheard by: Nikki

Kid: Yo, that chair’s sweet! How come you get to sit in that big chair? I wanna get one of them.
Lifeguard: Sorry. I just got here really early this morning before all these good chairs were taken.

–Riis Park, Rockaway, New York

Tourist to lifeguard: Excuse me. Excuse me! When do they release the dolphins?

–Rehoboth Beach, Delaware

Overheard by: Backnarootie

Lifeguard, walking into parking lot: They can’t make me stay here.

–Misquamicut Beach, Rhode Island

Formerly smiling lifeguard: Great, I’ve got bird shit on me, and we have to listen to John Mayer!

–Wrightsville Beach, North Carolina

Chick: So, what’s there to do for fun around here?
Lifeguard: I dont know, I’m Canadian.

–North Myrtle Beach, South Carolina

Overheard by: NSBS Geo