Woman #1: Honey, I think I need a bigger size. Somethin’ to hold some considerable inches…What did you get?
Woman #2: A twelve.
Woman #1: Ooh, I don’t have that many inches.
Woman #2: Bitch.
–Swim Shop, Passagrille, Florida
Woman #1: Honey, I think I need a bigger size. Somethin’ to hold some considerable inches…What did you get?
Woman #2: A twelve.
Woman #1: Ooh, I don’t have that many inches.
Woman #2: Bitch.
–Swim Shop, Passagrille, Florida
Woman #1: Italian men make the best lovers.
Woman #2: Why?
Woman #1: They have lots of stamina. They last longer and their penises are bigger.
Woman #2: What’s the opposite of that?
–Wellfleet, Massachusetts
Woman on boardwalk: Yesterday was a bad day. A dead dog washed up on the shore.
–Virginia Beach, Virginia
Older woman: You don’t remember me, do you?
Young woman: Nope.
Older woman: You lived next door to me when you lived with your aunt in Salem!
Young woman: Salem?
Older woman: Salem, New Hampshire.
Young woman: I don’t have an aunt in Salem.
Older woman: Oh, come on, don’t you remember?
Young woman: I never lived in New Hampshire. I have lived in Maine my whole life.
Older woman, sarcastically: Yeah…Okay.
–Wells Beach, Maine
Overheard by: Vee-licious
Lady #1: They could have been Koreans.
Lady #2: But they count, don't they?
–Cape Cod Beach, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Nancy and Andrea
Woman on phone: It’s been so long since I have gone out on a date, I think I’ve forgotten what it feels like to be a woman.
4-Year-Old son, indignantly: You ain’t a woman! You’re my mother!
–Howell, Michigan
Overheard by: Catherine
Really loud fat lady: Fat old guys drive nice cars to get with the young pretty girls.
–Public parking lot, Seaside, Oregon
Overheard by: Drewlicious
Over-tanned lady to beach bum eating plum: I would rather drink shower water than eat unwashed fruit.
–Ala Moana Center, Honolulu, Hawaii
Overheard by: Jade Buddha
Parking lot attendant: Thirty dollars.
Woman: Last time I was here, you charged me five dollars.
Parking lot attendant: I should be charging you the same amount as it is degrees outside. I should be charging you like ninety three dollars.
–Hampton Beach, New Hampshire
Overheard by: arc, mich
Guy: Hey, beautiful ladies! My name is Sean. I run a company that increases the number of hits your website gets on search engines. I’m sure I could help you in your line of work What do you do?
Woman: I’m a neurosurgeon.
Guy: Hey, it’s good to see that even a brain surgeon has time to head out to the beach. Let me show you how my company can help you get more business.
Woman: I’m sure it can’t.
Guy: Well then, how ’bout I just give you my number?
Woman: How about I just give you a lobotomy?
–Nahant Beach, Massachusetts
