Wife to husband: Baby, don’t get out in the water! Those kids will be hanging on you like remoras!

–Grand Isle, Louisiana

Woman: It wasn’t a boob reduction. It was a boob elimination. You know, a man-sectomy.

–Warren Dunes, Lake Michigan

Overheard by: Andrea

Woman: So the water goes all the way around the island?

–Vancouver Island, British Columbia

Overheard by: Molly

Redneck lady coming out of a liquor store: She must have been drunk when she named her kid “Jose Cuervo”.

–Myrtle Beach, South Carolina

Three women are standing outside of a bar.

Woman #1: Let’s go to Fred’s. It’s darker in there.

Women #2 and #3 nod in agreement, and they walk to Fred’s.

–Avalon, Jersey Shore

College girl #1: Oh my God! Look at his bulge!
College girl #2: He must have a huge dick.
Random lady: Sluts!

–Fort Lauderdale, Florida

Overheard by: tanned tourist

Woman, talking about a topless sunbather: Is that a man?
Guy: No.
Woman: God, that is so not New Jersey.

–South Beach, Miami

Overheard by: Marty

Woman in restaurant: I hear Clinton might run again. And there’s nothing to stop him!

–King’s Beach, Tahoe, Nevada

Overheard by: Spectater

Rich lady with yappy dog: Well, ‘Caucasian’ has ‘Asian’ in it. Then again, there’s a ‘turd’ in every ‘Saturday.’

–Golden Gardens Park, Seattle, Washington

Overheard by: Disturbed

Lady: You have an awfully long deck.
Homeowner: Thanks… Oh, you said ‘deck.’

–Topsail Island, North Carolina

Overheard by: Jim