Couples

Little old lady, stumbling on the boardwalk with her husband: Oh my goodness! There's no railing on the edge? What? Someone could just fall right off! If they were as drunk as me, anyways.

–Key West, Florida

Overheard by: Caroline Oldfield

Guy to couple: Hi!
Blonde wife: See, they're nice here, not like in California.

–Santa Cruz, California

Overheard by: cherry picker

Mid-twenties gal: (shows bottle of sunscreen) Hey, hon, will you cream me?
Mid-twenties guy: (snickers)
Mid-twenties gal: What? Oh, god. You’re sick.
(guy rubs the sunscreen on her back)
Mid-twenties guy: Can you get the rest yourself?
Mid-twenties gal: Yeah, I’ll just finish myself off.
Mid-twenties guy: (snickers)
Mid-twenties gal: Oh, shut-up!

–St. Paul, Minnesota

Fat sweaty drunk boyfriend to fat sweaty drunk girlfriend: Babe… I don't ever want you to have to suck my cock for money again.

–Jersey Shore

Overheard by: Five Minutes Later A Stranger Grabbed My Hair and Smelled It

Fat sweaty drunk boyfriend to fat sweaty drunk girlfriend: Babe… I don't ever want you to have to suck my cock for money again.

–Jersey Shore

Overheard by: Five Minutes Later A Stranger Grabbed My Hair and Smelled It

Fat blubbery man to wife: C'mon already! Let's go in the water–I gotta take a piss!

–Caribbean

Overheard by: Grossed Out

Husband: Let’s take a surfing lesson.
Wife: The water’s too cold.
Husband: We can rent a wet suit.
Wife: That would be like wearing someone else’s condom.

–Cannon Beach, Oregon

Overheard by: macdog

Old man to wife, in Russian: What sign are you?
Woman: I'm a fish.
Old man: Shark, son of a bitch.

–Hallandale Beach Boulevard, Florida

Overheard by: superemanuella

Boyfriend to girlfriend: So, what do you want to do? You wanna go shopping or something?
Extremely feminine, sweet-looking girl: I just wanna go home and watch some fucking Dragonball Z.

–Myrtle Beach, South Carolina