And Resigning From Your Fan Club

50-something woman: I want the tiramisu for my birthday cake!
Husband: Well, the restaurant says they only have individual portions, not a big thing. That would be expensive for eleven people.
50-something woman: Well, I don't want the key lime pie, that's fifth on a list of five options.
20-something woman #1: Well, why don't we get a pie for everyone else, and a tiramisu for you?
50-something woman: I want everyone to eat what I'm eating in commemoration of my birthday!
20-something woman #2: Oh my god. I'm leaving.

–Holden Beach, North Carolina

Overheard by: Audrey

Posted on February 14, 2023
Compare and contrast, Couples, Food, Money, North Carolina, Questions, Stupidity, Wishes, Women

Just As I'm Dropping Off to Sleep

Girlfriend: Why are you all pissed off?
Boyfriend: Some days you don't say shit to me, and then when I'm in a bad mood, you go and say some dumb shit out ya face.

–Coney Island

Overheard by: Dano

Posted on February 9, 2023
Comebacks, Couples, Insults, New York

And I'm Totally Upset That Our Video Debuts on SmutLady.Com Tonight

Girlfriend: Oh my God, I totally look like Paris Hilton.
Boyfriend: Yeah, you’re an overtanned, skinny skank.
Girlfriend, excitedly: I know!!

–Shelly Beach, New South Wales, Australia

Posted on February 8, 2023
About celebrities, Assholes, Australia, Couples, Gripes, Insults, Physical Appearance, Stupidity

Anyone Else Feeling a Strange Nostalgia for The Golden Girls?

Little old lady, stumbling on the boardwalk with her husband: Oh my goodness! There's no railing on the edge? What? Someone could just fall right off! If they were as drunk as me, anyways.

–Key West, Florida

Overheard by: Caroline Oldfield

Posted on January 10, 2023
Compare and contrast, Couples, Drinking, Florida, Old folks, Questions

And You're Pretty Smart, Not Like a Blonde

Guy to couple: Hi!
Blonde wife: See, they're nice here, not like in California.

–Santa Cruz, California

Overheard by: cherry picker

Posted on November 14, 2022
California, Compare and contrast, Couples, Geography, Guys, Stupidity

At the "That's What She Said" Quarterfinals

Mid-twenties gal: (shows bottle of sunscreen) Hey, hon, will you cream me?
Mid-twenties guy: (snickers)
Mid-twenties gal: What? Oh, god. You’re sick.
(guy rubs the sunscreen on her back)
Mid-twenties guy: Can you get the rest yourself?
Mid-twenties gal: Yeah, I’ll just finish myself off.
Mid-twenties guy: (snickers)
Mid-twenties gal: Oh, shut-up!

–St. Paul, Minnesota