Guy: Look, Jen — I’ll fuck you, I’ll spank you, I’ll tie you up, and I’ll piss on you, but I am not getting back into a relationship with you.
–Bondi Beach, Sydney, Australia
Archive for the ‘Kink’ Category
…And That’s How the Revolutionary War Began.
Girl to friend: He was upset because she wouldn’t let him cum on her face!
–Wrightsville Beach, North Carolina
No, that was Tokyo — Tampa is ‘Dirty Sanchezes’
Guy #1: Oh, shit, I just realized we’re in Tampa!
Guy #2: So?
Guy #1: Tampa!
Guy #2: Oh, bukkake, right?
–St. Petersburg Beach, Florida
You Need a Boyfriend, Lucille
Girl #1: You know what would feel really good?
Girl #2: What?
Girl #1: If you jizzed on my back.
–Oceanside Beach, California
Girls Have Always Put up with a Lot of Shit from Boys
Guy #1: Dude, but she is so annoying.
Guy #2: Yeah I know what you mean, but what else can you do?
Guy #1: I dunno, dude, but I’m not gonna take a shit on her. That’s freaking weird! I’m not into that!
Guy #2: Yeah, I guess.
–Manasquan Inlet Beach, New Jersey
Yes, Just Keep It Away from My Nipples
Dude #1: That girl is hot!
Dude #2: I’d like to duct tape her to a chair!
Dude #2’s girlfriend: You’re into that?
–Dewey Beach, Delaware
The Condom Balloon Animals Were Pretty Great, Though.
Teen girl to friend: It was kind of like a pornographic clown.
–Jersey Shore, New Jersey
But When That Nasty Cold Passes, Definitely!
Woman: Is there anything we haven’t done yet?
Man: I haven’t fucked you with an electric toothbrush.
Woman: You’re sick.
–Santa Cruz, California
I’m So Fat and I Haven’t Had My Period for Eight Months! I Must Have a Tumor.
Girl: My nipples are so sore! I think they’re sunburned.
Nipple-Savvy friend: Is that even possible?
Girl: What else would explain the pain? [Shows nipple]Nipple-Savvy friend: Maybe your boyfriend shouldn’t bite them so hard, yeah?
Girl: He didn’t bite them!
Nipple-Savvy friend: I can see the bite marks.
Girl: Oh.
–Miami Beach, Florida
Overheard by: A beach bookreader
Go Directly to Hell. Do Not Collect $200
Guy passing huge Jesus statue: I wanna fuck his stigmata.
–Lincoln Avenue, South Beach, Florida
