Girl shouting to friends: Goldilocks! Stop sleeping in everyone's bed, you whore!
–Tampa, Florida
Man to friend: So, I went on my knees. And then I went on my belly. And then I went on my knees again…it was hard!
–Mayan Riviera, Mexico
Overheard by: anna levi
Ditzy college girl to friends, about seagulls on a dock: This might be stupid, but are those birds? They're so evenly spaced!
–Lewiston, New York
Overheard by: Lauren
Middle-aged guy #1: I’m gettin’ old, buddy.
Middle-aged guy #2: We’re all gettin’ old.
Middle-aged guy #1: Yeah, but first I was just gettin’ too tired to have sex, so I was jerkin’ off a lot. Now I’m too tired to even jerk off.
Middle-aged guy #2: Shut up. You’re getting me depressed.
–Boardwalk, Long Beach, New York
Overheard by: Big Larry
Bitchy friend: … So then we took a vote, and you’re the biggest slut out of all of us.
Girl: But I’m the only virgin.
Bitchy friend: We know.
–Kingston Beach, Washington
Blonde: So my mom fucked me last night.
Friend: She what?
Blonde: You know, held up her middle finger…
Friend: Um…
–Malibu, California
Teenage girl: Rosie O'Donnell has multiple personality disorder.
Friend: I thought she was a lesbian.
–Starbucks, La Jolla, California
Overheard by: …Which are mutually exclusive.
White trash girl to friend: Whatever, I'm on my period, so I'm not even worried about it.
Gay male friend: You can still get pregnant on your period, I think.
(awkward silence)
White trash girl, laughing: You are such a fucking retard.
–Wildwood, New Jersey
Overheard by: Ryan L
