Should’ve used a condom

Little girl, running happily: Mom, dad!
Little boy: Guess what we caught!
Both, in perfect unison: Crabs!

–San Diego, California

Overheard by: the girl who received dirty looks from the parents for laughing

Dad, about bald passerby: That guy is really bald!
Daughter: Dad, you have more hair on your butt than your head.

–Ocean City, Maryland

Overheard by: Ryan

Eight-year-old boy to valet fetching a car outside a fancy restaurant: You run like an idiot!
Mom: Quiet, dear, he is just a car parking guy.

–Palm Beach, Florida

Overheard by: Ashley

Angry father, trying to climb into boat with son: Turn off the fucking engine, man! I've got a fucking five-year-old here! Jesus, use your fucking head!

–The Hamptons, New York

Young kid: Awww look, you were right. Now I don’t get to punch you.

–Vero Beach, Florida

Upset teenage daughter to mother: Mom, I can't have sugar! (pause) What is “creme brulee,” anyways?

–Huntington Beach, California