Doctor: This woman came into the ER the other day who had cut herself on the forehead, but instead of using a towel or something to stop the bleeding, she wrapped her head up like seven times with duct tape.
Dork: Holy shit! How did you get it off of her?
Doctor: We had to cut it off in little strips. She looked like a Hershey’s Kiss.
Dork: What, you mean she was black?
Doctor: Yes!
–Crane Beach, Massachusetts
Boston woman in her late 50s: … And it’s not like it used to be. Jamaica Plain has become so culturally diverse… It’s so unfortunate!
Sunburned woman in her late 50s: Um. Where is that sunscreen?
–Surfside Beach, Nantucket, Massachusetts
Overheard by: KP
Father: Okay okay okay, let’s go now.
Tween daughter #1: Why? We have company! Can’t we stay?
Father: I have no coverage here. I have calls to make. I have to work. No work, no play, no food, no house, no fun, no beach, no vacation.
Tween daughter #2: No beach?
Father: How do you think this beach got here? My hard work.
–Nauset Beach, Cape Cod, Massachusetts
Overheard by: amazed observer
Teen girl: Why are there feathers, like, all around our blankets?
Teen boy: Because I just ate a fucking bald eagle and enjoyed it.
–Horseneck Beach, Westport, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Bologna Sandwich
