Blonde soccer mom with kid to her friends: And then he licked my boobs. I was good that night.

–Half Moon Bay, California

Cute brunette in black bikini to boyfriend: Can we go? There's a guy over there filming us.
Boyfriend: Where?
Brunette: Over there, in the white shorts. What a creeper!
(a few minutes after)
Brunette's female friend: White shorts is going in the water. I hope he gets his camera wet.
Brunette: It's actually kinda flattering.
Boyfriend: First you're all insulted, and now your flattered. Pfft!

–Beach, Chicago, Illinois

Mom to little boy: Get out of the water! It's time to get tested again!

–Main Street Beach, Vermilion, OH

Overheard by: Cactopus

Thug to thugette: Who's that character in The Little Mermaid called? You know, that little crab nigga?

–Norfolk, Virginia

Beach cutie: So I was walking along the beach and thought I found a really colorful shell, but no! Entrails!

–Aruba

Little girl, maybe #6 years old: I want a dog! When I get my big brother, I'm going to name him killer!

–Venice Beach, CA

Overheard by: Anon Y. Mous

Gay guy on the beach to friend: I knew this guy once, he smoked some meth, and he was so messed up he got double penetrated… but didn't even realize it.

–Rockaway Beach, New York

Overheard by: Chickenring

Guy trying to pick up girl: Hey you wanna go out tonight?
Girl being picked up: No.
Guy trying to pick up girl: Why not? You married?
Girl being picked up: No.
Guy trying to pick up girl: Oh, is it because of that natalie halloway shit? Omg too funny. Who brings that up when trying to pick up chicks??

–Panama City Beach

14-year-old girl to group of friends: "yeah, vodka, man, that shit is strong. Like, 14 shots and I'm done."

–Huntington Beach, CA

Girl in jeans: Did you seriously just ride side-saddle on the merry-go-round?
Girl in long skirt: Fuck you, I'm a magical fuckin' princess.

–Santa Cruz, California