Clearly stoned: Oh my god the waves are so big you can barely see them!!

–Clearwater Beach, Fl

Overheard by: palmface

Man: Do you guys have anything to cut wood with?
Clearly drunk girl: Mah dick.

–Cabrillo Beach

"it's too late, ladies. The po-po already caught you!" bike cops on the beach busting 4 tourist girls on scooters driving thru a traffic jam.

–Miami Beach

Overheard by: pancho

Old leather-skinned Guy: Where ya been all summer?
Gay couple: Ummm, do we know you?
Old leather-skinned guy: Nah, I just say that to everyone as pale as you this late in the season.

–Gunnison Beach, Sandy Hook, New Jersey

Little girl, playing in pool at hotel: Nana, what beach are we at?
Older woman: Myrtle beach.
Little girl: Murder beach!
Rest of kids in pool: Murder beach! We're at murder beach!
Little boy: Hey, let's play murder beach. I'll kill you and rob your dead body!

–Myrtle Beach, South Carolina

Overheard by: Marisa English

40-something woman, looking at towel in disgust: Bobby, how many times have I told you not to jerk off in the back seat?!
Annoyed teenage boy: Sorry, mom! Geez!

–Ocean City, New Jersey

Overheard by: Awkwardest Moment of My Life

Drunk big woman, gyrating in seat: Yeah, motherfuckers, it's tooty fruity booty! I got my drank on! Look at this tooty fruity booty! What the fuck they doin' in that water? Don'tcha know who the fuck I am? I'm tooty fruity booty!

–Ocho Rios, Jamaica

Overheard by: sunburntandsittingnexttothebooty

Four-year-old boy: I want to go on vacation!
Mom: We are on vacation.
Four-year-old boy: No! This is Hawaii, I want to go on vacation!

–Waikola, Hawaii

gay guy #1 – hey, do I look butch enough. Gay guy #2 – yeah. Gay guy #1 – ok, thanks gurl!

–Long Beach, CA

Woman with shocking perm to friend on morning power walk: You know there was just no way I was going to compromise the quality of my haircut.

–Bondi Beach, Sydney, Australia

Overheard by: Uncle Puli