Girl, wearing lifeguard swimsuit and applying sunblock: Do my hole… NO! My back hole!
–Sacandaga Lake, New York
Overheard by: sherpa
Archive for the ‘Words’ Category
Anywhere But South Beach, Honey
Kid: Mom, where are we going?
Mom: Just walk straight!
Kid: Where’s straight?!
–Robert Moses Beach, New York
Overheard by: Gwast
Or We’ll Kill You
Girl (pointing to sign on lifeguard tower): Hah! I thought that said “Dying is dangerous and prohibited” for a sec.
Guy: You’re crazy. It says “diving!“
Girl: (pause) I know. But.. oh, whatever.
Lifeguard: Yes – we have a very strict policy… No dying!
–Corona Del Mar Beach, California
Overheard by: Dee
You’d Think If Anybody Was Pro-Life It Would Be God
Queer: So, like, let me get this straight. God got this lady pregnant and made her have a baby and then killed it so you could get away with whatever shit you wanted as long as you felt sorry?
Christian guy: Wow… I’ve never heard it put that way…
Queer: Sorry, I meant he killed him, it was a boy.
–Santa Cruz, California
At the “That’s What She Said” Quarterfinals
Mid-twenties gal: (shows bottle of sunscreen) Hey, hon, will you cream me?
Mid-twenties guy: (snickers)
Mid-twenties gal: What? Oh, god. You’re sick.
(guy rubs the sunscreen on her back)
Mid-twenties guy: Can you get the rest yourself?
Mid-twenties gal: Yeah, I’ll just finish myself off.
Mid-twenties guy: (snickers)
Mid-twenties gal: Oh, shut-up!
–St. Paul, Minnesota
It’s Right Here on the End of this Baseball Bat, You Guys. Come Check It Out.
Dude: What does that mean anyways, ‘Catch you on the flip side,’ huh?
Chick: Yeah, where the fuck is the flip side?
–Dockweiler Beach, Playa del Rey, California
Overheard by: kitty
Though the Two Before It Were “Die” and “Bitch”
Girl #1: So have you spoken to him at all?
Girl #2: A little. I think he might be ready to get back together soon.
Girl #2: Really?
Girl #2: Well, this might be overanalyzing, but his last move on Scrabulous was “sorry”.
–New Jersey
You’ll Look for Any Excuse to Bring Up Denny’s
Boy #1: So “home run” means “married with babies”?
Boy #2: Yeah, but I like Grand Slams the best.
–Penfield Beach, Connecticut
But They’d Immigrated to Sexas.
Random high school girl: So then I looked at her and said, “Shit, bitch, what’s your fucking problem?“
Random high school guy: Were they Mexican?
Girl: Uh-huh.
Guy: Well, were they sexy Mexicans?
Girl: Yes, deary, they were Sexicans.
–Rat Beach, California
Overheard by: where can i find them?
But the Hermaphrodites I’ll Leave Alone
Girl to younger boy: You’re going to be a real lady killer when you’re older.
Younger boy: I’ll kill men, too. I don’t care.
–Ocean City, Maryland
Overheard by: Brittney
