Wishes

Chubby tourist: So then I was like, “Okay, anal is something I'd really wanna try.”

–Beach 6, Presque Isle, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: Kat

Kayaking girl #1: Mom, where do we go?
Kayaking mom: Oh, why don't we go to the other side of the island?
Kayaking girl #2: No, we can't! I heard they had guns and spears over there–I don't wanna get shot!

–Sugarbay, St. Thomas, South Africa

Overheard by: yams

Woman #1: Now you see that dude right there? That one in the green swim trunks.
Woman #2: Okaaaaay, yeah, I see him. The one with the red hair that's skimboarding?
Woman #1: Yeah, him. Now, I would so hook up with him. Look at those abs. Don't you just wanna run your hands all over him?
Girl slathered in tanning oil, staring at them: That's my boyfriend.
Woman #2: Oh. How long have you guys been going out?
Girl: Four months. What's it to you?
Woman #1: Just weighing our chances.
Girl: Chances of what?
Woman #2: Sleeping with him.
(girl makes disgusted noise and walks away).
Woman #2: Don' t worry, Shar. She's hideous. We'll follow them when they leave and the next time they go to a club or something, we'll hunt him down and get what we want.
Woman #1: We always do. Wait…which one of us gets to sleep with him? (they glance at each other, saying nothing) I've got a bigger rack.

–Pismo Beach, California

Overheard by: Matilda

Ditz #1: I would love to be a Buddhist.
Ditz #2: Yeah, it’s really spiritual.
Ditz #1: Yeah, all the meditating and stuff…
Ditz #2: Yeah…
Ditz #1: … But not a full Buddhist — that would be boring.
Ditz #2: Yeah, just do it for the yoga and stuff.

–Jetty Road, Glenelg, Australia

Walrusy pink tourist mom, juggling McDonald's bags and towels: Are those seagulls following us?
Dancing pink tourist toddler: I want hanka burger and French-ah fries!
(seagulls swoop over them, attacking the bags)
Dancing pink tourist, shrieking: Oh my god! My French-ah fries!

–St. Peterburg Beach, Florida

Overheard by: Sandy Paws

Mother to teen daughter: I want the stuff they won’t let you buy.

–Medicine aisle of supermarket, Bethany Beach, Delaware

Worried surfer: I’ve been out here four hours and my knob still hasn’t changed color!

–Coogee Beach, Sydney, Australia

Surfer girl #1, sitting on board in the ocean: I hope it doesn't rain, I really don't want my hair to get wet.
Surfer girl #2: Do you listen to yourself when you speak?
Surfer girl #1: I tune in and out.

–One Mile Beach, Australia

Overheard by: Jess

Drunk man: [Bumps into girl and puts his hand around her to move her aside.] Sorry.
Girl: Eww! You’re dirty!
Drunk man: C’mon, you know you like it!
Girl: Eww! [Drunk man walks away.] Call me!!

–Manhattan Beach, California

Overheard by: Snoog

Woman on surfboard to another: And now my husband wants me to play with his balls while I'm giving him a blowjob. Who does he think I am? I can't even do this! (tries to pat head and rub stomach at the same time)

–Flat Island, Kailua, Hawaii

Overheard by: TheHammstr