Teenage girl #1: Are my nip nips showing?
Teenage girl #2: Your what whats?
Teenage girl #1: (points) My nips. It’s blinking cold, you know.
Teenage girl #2: Er… Ohh, that. Nope, can’t see a thing.
Teenage girl #1: You better check from time to time, okay? Like seriously. I don’t care, I need to poke them back in.
Teenage girl #2: But even if you poke it back in, it just pops back out like nobody’s bussiness! What do you do then, keep poking?
–Sunway Lagoon, Malaysia
Overheard by: babybhang
Seven-year-old boy: Dad! Dad! Dad! It’s time to go back to the room. I need to put on underwear — I’m starting to chafe!
Dad: Good for you. Now go back out there and deal [continues smoking his cigar].
–21st Street Beach, Ocean City, Maryland
Guy #1: Welcome, shrinkage!
Guy #2: My dick is inside my belly.
Guy #1: Yeah, it’s about to poke out of my ass.
–Sea Isle, New Jersey
Overheard by: Didn’t go into the water
Girl: Oh my God! This water is really cold, can you turn the heater up?
Lifeguard, returning from locker room: There you go, it should be better now.
Girl: Hey, this really does feel warmer. Thanks, lifeguard!
–Caroga Lake, New York
Overheard by: Marc Wiley
(guy #2 is wearing a jacket in 100-degree weather)
Guy #1: Why can’t you just wear shorts like a normal person?
Guy #2: Why can’t you drink milk with your eyes?
Guy #1: What the fuck?
Guy #2: It’s science, bitch!
–Miami, Florida
Guy #1: I can’t believe he left us!
Guy #2: Yeah, me either. It really sucks being stuck on this fucking island with no hot chicks. I don’t have a fucking shirt and I’m freezing my balls off!
Guy #1: Yeah, I know what you mean.
–St. Petersburg, Florida
Kid: If a tornado comes, will our beach be destroyed?
Mom: No. Tornadoes don’t come to the beach.
Kid: Why not? We’re better than Kansas, and that place got leveled!
–Jacksonville Beach, Florida
Stoned girl: It’s really windy today. I wonder what it is on the Richter scale?
–Brighton Beach, United Kingdom
Overheard by: Chicken King
Little kid to mom, as storm is coming: If thunder claps while you’re in the water, you’re gonna die!
–Pawley’s Island, South Carolina
Overheard by: Running for Cover
Guy: See that dark area in the water slowly moving? It’s a school of fish
Girl: Wow, are you sure?
Guy: Yup — snapper.
Girl: Wow, that’s amazing. [Long pause] How come it’s now on the sand?
Guy: It could also be a cloud.
–Point Pleasant Beach, New Jersey
Overheard by: Rob Kemper
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist
