Violence

Woman #1: And I gave him the cheese. Then he said he'd kill me. And he told me exactly how he'd kill me.
Woman #2: That's horrible!

–Miami, Florida

Overheard by: …what?

Mom, while burying her four-year-old son in the sand: Yo, did you hear what he just said? He said “don't pat too hard or my balls will explode!”

–Rockaway Beach, New York

Overheard by: That's why I'm scared to have kids

Redneck, looking at fish tank: How many of them there fish you reckon I could shoot?

–Ripley's Aquarium, Myrtle Beach, South Carolina

Overheard by: Lost all hope in humanity

Girl: I really wish I was a vampire, then I could suck people's blood.
Friend: (completely silent)
Girl: That was kinda creepy sounding, wasn't it?
Friend: Well, I mean, it's not a bad thing to like biting people, but it is kinda frowned on to mention it…

–Hawaii

Lifeguard, replacing new in-service flags: We should have flags with skull and crossbones on them. That way, when someone comes and asks what the flag is for we can say, “oh there's a 50% chance of a pirate attack, you probably want to leave the beach.”

–Huguenot Beach, Jacksonville, Florida

Daughter, holding crab: Oh, daddy, it’s so cute. Can I keep it?
Father: No, honey, it’s too small.
Daughter: No, daddy, I want it for a pet.
Father: It has to live in the ocean, honey. We have to let it go.
Daughter: But, daddy, I love it. Can’t I keep it?
Father: No, baby.
Daughter: Daddy?
Father: Yes, honey?
Daughter: Can I step on it?

–Goleta Beach, California

Daughter, holding crab: Oh, daddy, it’s so cute. Can I keep it?
Father: No, honey, it’s too small.
Daughter: No, daddy, I want it for a pet.
Father: It has to live in the ocean, honey. We have to let it go.
Daughter: But, daddy, I love it. Can’t I keep it?
Father: No, baby.
Daughter: Daddy?
Father: Yes, honey?
Daughter: Can I step on it?

–Goleta Beach, California

Girl #1: You need to learn to give off a “piss off” vibe. Follow my lead.
Girl #2 (to drunk groping her): If you fucking touch me one more time I'll cut off your balls!
Girl #1: Or just do that…

–Bondi Beach, Australia

Guy on cell: Dude, you gotta come down here…I'm about to jump in the ocean and scream at the universe and I want you to help me! (pause) Okay, yeah, send the brown people down.

–Miami Beach, Florida

Young Boy: Mommy Mommy, they have Nemo in that fish tank!
Mom: Honey, Nemo’s dead.

–Antigua, the Caribbean

Overheard by: Ollie