Young teen girl: Hey, Mom, Dad told me to ask you, and I’m quoting him, to ‘Please leave a couple of drinks for him before your fat ass hogs them all.’
Mom: Tell your father that he had better be nicer to me or else I’m going to leave his ass for a sexy Latin man named Esteban… again. And you can quote me on that!
–Del Mar, California
Overheard by: Jess the Pirate
Guy #1: I’ve been married for eleven years. My wife and I are always looking for ways to keep our relationship fresh.
Girl: I’ve heard having sex in different rooms of the house helps that.
Guy #2: My wife and I just have sex with different people.
–Santa Monica Pier, California
Honeymooning hubby: Honey, do you want a drink?
Absentminded wifey, reading: Sure.
Honeymooning hubby: Do you want a sandwich?
Absentminded wifey: Whatever.
Honeymooning hubby, exasperated: Will you give me a massage?
Absentminded wifey: Whatever.
Attractive blonde stranger: I’ll give you a massage, hottie.
Absentminded wifey, looking up from her book: Back off, he’s mine [she goes back to her book].
Honeymooning hubby, whispering to blonde: So… Can I meet you later, then?
–Hilton Head, South Carolina
Overheard by: eager ears
Teen girl #1: Why the hell are we here?
Teen girl #2: Because we have nothing better to do.
Teen girl #1: Wait… why didn’t we call that guy who did that porno after high school? He’ll do us both.
–Ashwaubomay Lake, Ashwaubenon, Wisconsin
Overheard by: Lacy Magnolia
Dude #1: I wish she would just forgive me already. It’s been over a month.
Dude #2: Dude, you went down on her sister!
Dude #1: Well, yeah, exactly. It’s like the same pussy, right?
–Jacksonville Beach, Florida
Girl: So, when Daddy said that his girlfriend was coming to stay the night it was a bad thing?
Mother: Yes, dear.
Girl: Does this mean I get two Christmases and two birthdays, like Ashlee?
–Parua Bay, New Zealand
Overheard by: naughtygurl
Girl to boyfriend: I have to go to the bathroom.
Boyfriend: Okay, but just don’t let anyone hit on you there.
–St. Simon’s Island, Georgia
Overheard by: Layla
Dude: You know you’re turning me on, right?
Hootchie: Do you want me to stop?
Dude: No. No, I don’t.
Hootchie: If you didn’t have a girfriend, I’d fuck you so hard you wouldn’t recognize Jesus.
–Newport, Oregon
Overheard by: Sonora
Cute surfer: So, how’s it going? Did you go out with her again?
Really cute surfer: Oh, no, she’s traveling, but I’m waiting for her to come back.
Cute surfer: You’re really into her, right? I thinks she’s hot.
Really cute surfer: Yeah, she’s amazing.
Cute surfer: Have you, like, talked to her about going out again?
Really cute surfer: Yeah, kinda… [Looking away and waving] Hey, dude, stop talking about it. My girlfriend is coming.
Cute surfer: Oh, okay [smiles and waves to girl].
–Rio de Janeiro, Brazil
Overheard by: And I thought he was cute
Drunk mother #1: I met him at a bar. He looked like George Clooney… But we’ll see.
Drunk mother #2: Wait, aren’t you dating someone?
Drunk mother #1: Not anymore. He just doesn’t know it yet.
–Daytona Beach, Florida
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist
