Threats

Mom, trying to take a photo: Hug your sister or we're going home.

–Boca Raton, Florida

Overheard by: John

Postman on cell: Yeah, I'm not a street gangsta–but I'm a gangsta in the house. I hold that shit down. Anybody can be all tough in the streets, but me, I got the house on lock.

–Rockaway Beach, New York

Overheard by: Tigertail

Mom to screaming eight-year-old boy: I'm going to throw you in the pool if you don't behave.
Eight-year-old boy: Are you crazy? I'll get an ear infection!

–Resort Restaurant, Dominican Republic

Overheard by: Tanya from NY

Mom to three-year-old boy: Don’t you run into the ocean. It’s cold. If you start drowning, no one is going to want to come in and save you!

–Topsail Island, North Carolina

Overheard by: Eric

Hobo: Are you my girlfriend?
Girl walking by: No.
Hobo: I'mma piss on your shoe! I'mma piss on your shoe!

–Santa Monica, California

Woman #1: And I gave him the cheese. Then he said he'd kill me. And he told me exactly how he'd kill me.
Woman #2: That's horrible!

–Miami, Florida

Overheard by: …what?

Lifeguard, replacing new in-service flags: We should have flags with skull and crossbones on them. That way, when someone comes and asks what the flag is for we can say, “oh there's a 50% chance of a pirate attack, you probably want to leave the beach.”

–Huguenot Beach, Jacksonville, Florida

Girl #1: You need to learn to give off a “piss off” vibe. Follow my lead.
Girl #2 (to drunk groping her): If you fucking touch me one more time I'll cut off your balls!
Girl #1: Or just do that…

–Bondi Beach, Australia

Teen girl: I heard there are sharks in the lake.
Teen boy: That’s probably not true.
Teen girl: It’s true. Like, somebody got killed here by a shark.
Teen boy: I think you have upstate New York confused with anywhere with a shoreline.
Teen girl: But…
Teen boy: ‘But’-nothing if you wanna get fucked later.

–Lake George, New York

Angry woman: You touchin' my weave!

–Coney Island, New York