Stoner girl to another: Man, I just sent her a text saying that we’re there, because I figure by the time we get there we’ll be there.
–Qualicum Beach, Vancouver Island, Canadia
Archive for the ‘Stoners’ Category
Without a Laserlike Focus, the Bud May Elude Me
Stoner #1: Do you want a Bud or…?
Stoner #2: Bud.
Stoner #1: I also have Sam Adams Summers Ale.
Stoner #2: Bud.
Stoner #1: And Bass Ale.
Stoner #2: No ales!
–Bonnet Shores, Rhode Island
Overheard by: I like Ales
I Adore When Cows Eat Me, Though.
Stoned surfer: I decided that I won’t eat fish anymore, because if I don’t eat them, they won’t eat me.
–Long Beach Island, New Jersey
Travis Decides to Abandon Vanilla
Tiny mullet kid: Spank the hiney! Spank the hiney!
Surfer passerby: Spank the hiney? Awesome!
–Robert Moses Beach, New York
Even the Purple Monkeys in the Corner Lack the Energy They Once Had
Stoner dude: Hey, man, I’m about to get me one a’ them blunts!
Stoner friend: Ah! I don’t smoke anymore.
Stoner dude: What?! Maaaan, why’s everyone gotta be all tired n’ shit?
–Santa Cruz, California
Overheard by: Brittany M.
Drugs Create the Illusion You Have Something to Say
Stoned chick: So, whenever I’m stoned, like this stoned, I start a sentence… And then through half the sentence, I finish another sentence I said before, or finish another idea in my head, or just start talking. It’s like I forget or something, like, my idea, and it’s like I had it all there, and stuff. You know what I mean?
Stoned guy: … That’s retarded.
–St. Petersburg, Florida
Every Drug Needs Evangelists
Girl running along shore: Smoke weed every day!
Black lady on beach blanket: Hallelujah! Come here, baby!
Girl runs to black lady, who stands and hugs her and kisses her.
Black lady: Smoke weed, God bless you!
–Seaside Heights, New Jersey
Overheard by: t‑money
Never Met a Simile Yet I Couldn’t Swallow
Stoned nerd (talking about his sub order): I’ve got six inches!
Stoned girl: Lucky. I got the lesbian choice, a fuckin’ sandwich. Cuz the sandwich is like a vagina and the sub is like a dick, ya know?
Stoned nerd: No, I totally understand. And I’m okay with that.
–Wawa, Rehoboth Beach, Delaware
Reality– the Ultimate Reality Show
Stoned girl #1: You know what’s awesome? If you look up, you see the moon and the stars, and it’s like you’re looking at space.
Stoned girl #2 (munching Parmesan crackers): Whoooaaa.
–Saint Petersburg, Florida
Overheard by: i was stoned and it sounded cool at the time, too.
Hey, I’m Not Giving Up My Good-Luck Marmoset
Stoned surfer #1: Sharks never attack people unless you, like, swim around with a bloody, severed leg tied around your neck.
Stoned surfer #2: Yeah, or like a severed arm or a dead monkey or something.
–Bolinas, California
