Skinny drunk girl with dense philosophy textbook: I like peeing when necessary, I like peeing when unnecessary. Whenever, wherever. As long as I get arrested for it, that’s all I ask. Is that too much to ask?
–Jericho Beach, Vancouver, Canadia
Overheard by: Jericho
A black man cuts in line ahead of two anorexic JAPs.
Anorexic JAP #1: Why are we here again?
Anorexic JAP #2: Ugh, I know! This would never happen back in Boca!
Black man: Eat something, you Jewish popsicles!
Anorexic JAP #1: Did he just ask us to give him a blowjob?
–Deerfield Beach, Florida
Overheard by: Laughing
Thin little girl: Let me see it! Let me see it!
Fat little girl: No! MY dead fish!
–Lake Erie, Monroe, Michigan
Overheard by: sandra g
Anorexic girl: I wish I had AIDS. I hear you lose a lot of weight that way.
–San Francisco, California
Overheard by: so not PC
Skinny hipster in the river: Then why the fuck are we swimming here if I could lose my fucking dick?!
–Roanoke, Virginia
Overheard by: commodore
Ana #1: Oh my god, look at that guy. He’s huge!
Ana #2: Like, really, someone needs to introduce him to Weight Watchers or something!
Girl passerby: Hey, snugglebutt! [Gives large guy hug and kiss.]Ana #1: What the fuck?
Ana #2: Girlfriend? That fat whale?
Girl passerby: Husband. And you two might have men in your lives if you actually had boobs rather than a caved-in skeleton chest. Come on, schnookums, let’s go get some ice cream.
–Westerly, Rhode Island
Overheard by: blanket not far away, lauging my ass off
Fat girl: What did you and Michelle talk about on the phone last night?
Skinny girl: She and Alex are fighting.
Fat girl: You’re lying, they are not! What did she really tell you?
Skinny girl: Well, she thinks Victoria’s replacing her.
Fat girl: Ugh, she could’ve just talked to me about it… Victoria did kinda replace her, though.
–Lavalette, New Jersey
Overheard by: Crab
Skinny girl: Yeah, but why does he always have to spit on me afterwards?
–Puerto Vallarta, Mexico
Overheard by: Grossed Out
Skinny white guy, unaware that white girlfriend’s huge black brother is walking behind him: I don’t know why, but I just really want to fuck a black chick!
–Robert Moses, New York
Overheard by: Zep
Teen boy, to anorexic teen girl #1: Why do you keep your phone in your thong?
Anorexic teen girl #2: Well, where else is she going to put it? She has no boobs.
–Cape Cod, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Sam
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist
