Townie broad #1: You can tell how a man treats a woman by how he treats his bike.
Townie broad #2: Bill keeps his in the garage and hasn't ridden it in five years.
–Point Pleasant, New Jersey
Townie broad #1: You can tell how a man treats a woman by how he treats his bike.
Townie broad #2: Bill keeps his in the garage and hasn't ridden it in five years.
–Point Pleasant, New Jersey
Girl #1: And so I told him, ‘You don’t really look Tom Brady.’ And he was like, ‘Yeah, I’m hotter than he is.’ Yeah, this is why I don’t usually listen to him talk.
Girl #2: Oh, I know. He’s retarded, but he’s such a nice piece of ass.
Girl #1: Definitely. But I’d still take Tom Brady any day, right?
Girl #2: Wait, didn’t they replace him?
Girl #1: He’s one of their best players! Why would they do that?
Girl #2: The news anchor? Who are you talking about?
Girl #1: You mean Tom Brokaw?
Girl #2: Oh. Who’s Tom Brady?
–Myrtle Beach, South Carolina
Overheard by: Mary
B&B owner to guests: Do you two have children?
Female guest: Oh no, not yet. That’s why we are here!
B&B owner (blushing) walking away: Oh! Well, I’m glad we could help!
Guest (softly, mortified): I meant we have more time without kids!
–Bed & Breakfast, Galveston Island, Texas
Guy to date: Careful, you're about to spill that soda on yourself.
Girl: Yeah. Well hey, what's one more liquid splashed all over my body today?
Guy: Uh… What?
Girl: Oh. Uh… what?
–Coney Island, New York
Overheard by: tner
Woman #1: Now you see that dude right there? That one in the green swim trunks.
Woman #2: Okaaaaay, yeah, I see him. The one with the red hair that's skimboarding?
Woman #1: Yeah, him. Now, I would so hook up with him. Look at those abs. Don't you just wanna run your hands all over him?
Girl slathered in tanning oil, staring at them: That's my boyfriend.
Woman #2: Oh. How long have you guys been going out?
Girl: Four months. What's it to you?
Woman #1: Just weighing our chances.
Girl: Chances of what?
Woman #2: Sleeping with him.
(girl makes disgusted noise and walks away).
Woman #2: Don' t worry, Shar. She's hideous. We'll follow them when they leave and the next time they go to a club or something, we'll hunt him down and get what we want.
Woman #1: We always do. Wait…which one of us gets to sleep with him? (they glance at each other, saying nothing) I've got a bigger rack.
–Pismo Beach, California
Overheard by: Matilda
[Three ten-year-old boys cycling past the beach.]Boy #1: Why you going so fast?!
Boy #2: [Missing front teeth, which makes him lisp.] Becauth he wath fucking her latht night!
Boy #3: What?!!!
–Lake Calhoun Beach, Minneapolis, Minnesota
Overheard by: They grow up quickly these days!
Drunk guy to others: Imagine how long it would take to fuck a spider. It would take ages!
–Dunedin, New Zealand
Guy #1: What I can’t understand is, $5,000 an hour for a hooker? How good can pussy be?
Woman #1: And where did he get that kind of money on a public official’s salary?
Guy #2: He could have cruised tenth avenue and gotten the same poontang for twenty bucks.
Woman #2: I don’t have to worry about Frank going to hookers. He won’t even use a bottle of ketchup if it’s already been opened.
–Italian Restaurant, Long Beach, New York
Overheard by: Big Larry
Queer looking at screaming queer in water: Maybe I’m not gay.
–Rehoboth Beach, Delaware
Overheard by: laughing entirely too much
Girl #1: I mean, why would he register as a Republican only to vote in the primary?
Girl #2: Ugh… Gross! You are not allowed to fuck a Republican!
–UCSD, California
Overheard by: Holiday
