Girl to friend: It was like crazy monkey sex… and then he just left.
–Jones Beach, New York
Overheard by: D
Archive for the ‘Sex’ Category
Fictional Fucking Is So Much Neater Than the Real Thing
Old woman #1: So did you get that dirty book I was talking about?
Old woman #2: No, I couldn’t find it. They don’t sell them at Barnes and Noble. I have to look on Amazon.
Old woman #1: The one I read is really graphic. This girl is this room, watching two people doing it.
Old woman #2: Yeah, I’m saving some of them to read on the plane ride.
–Sandy Hook, New Jersey
Overheard by: caySAYhey
The Fire Alarm? Really?
Father at table with whole family, after female scream is heard: Wow, that sounds like my wife’s orgasm. I’m hammered!
–Catalina Island, California
You’re Thinking Of Middle School, Debbie
Spring breaker bimbette #1, about ordering drinks: And get Coco Rico, and Sex on the Beach…
Spring breaker bimbette #2, interrupting: Wait, isn’t there also something called Sex in the Basement?
–Tamarindo, Costa Rica
Overheard by: one of them spoke decent Spanish, at least
Especially When You’re Screaming, ‘I’m Not Gayyyyyyyy!’
Queer: It turns out sleeping with a deaf guy is awesome!
–Penn’s Landing, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Chris Newcomer
We Used Protection, But We Licked It Off
Blonde #1: Are you wearing that sunscreen that tastes good?
Blonde #2: What?
Blonde #1: Your sunscreen smells really good. Is it the kind that tastes good?
Blonde #2: How do you know how sunscreen tastes?
Blonde #1: Oh, I’ll tell you later.
–Natural Bridges, Santa Cruz, California
Overheard by: just trying to get a tan
They Never Listen, Though
Guy: I’m coming! I’m coming! Be gentle!
–Through a motel wall, Cape May, New Jersey
The Warden Won’t Let Us Bring It Into the Prison
20-something girl: We can’t make Eric a “sorry you got raped” cake anymore.
–Ocean City, New Jersey
As Long As You Promise to Stop Saying “Motion Of the Ocean”
Ghetto black girl, about Lil Wayne: Nah, I wouldn’t fuck him, he too short!
Ghetto white girl: Shit, he short but I bet he know the motion of the ocean! You know he do! I’d let him in right in me, yeah I would!
–Santa Cruz, California
Which Is Why I’m Oddly Drawn to Starbucks Coffee
Drunk girl: I think I am sexually attracted to fire.
Sober girl: Yeah…let me know how that goes.
Drunk girl: It burns, but I gotta admit I love the smell of burning pubic hair in the morning.
–Gold Coast, Australia
